Writing with Rune

burlesque

2011-02-12T06:16:00.000-08:00

An article in the paper caught my eye the other day at work. It was about burlesque dancing. I started reading it and I gotta say I was fascinated. She is bigger girl, not rail thin, and so are most of the women in her dance troop. I was impressed with this considering how society is. So I started doing some research on burlesque. Looking up the older dancers like Gypsy Rose Lee on up to Dita Von Teese and Immodesty Blaize. Some of the most beautiful costumes, and glamorous women. In my opinion glamour ended in the 40's and 50's. Our "stars" of today just don't have the glamour and class the ones from back then did.

Anyway, I looked to see where the show was playing and its playing in my neck of the woods!! So I did a little checking and creative re-arranging and we are going tonight!! It will only be 20 for the both of us, and you figure probably one drink a piece, so while we shouldn't, I am going! I am super excited! I hope nothing comes up and changes plans on us.

I also had a bit of a revelation. I would love to dance burlesque, a lot of the dance moves I saw were actually similar if not the same as belly dance moves. But I thought to myself why would you want to do this?? Now the women I saw didn't get naked, although some did get down to pasties and a g string, but not all. While I have lost 60 pounds I still dont feel I look that good to get naked, I have lots of toning to do!!! But I certainly dont look bad. So, if I can hide what I need to and accentuate what I like I am good!! But here is where my revelation came in. I am sitting here thinking how I love belly dancing, absolutely with all my heart, yet I stopped doing it. Now I want to do this. But I dont want to do it just for fun. I want to be on stage, this is the same way I feel about belly dancing. What's the point of practicing and being good if no one sees it? I know, your going to say because you enjoy it. Thats not enough for me. I cant explain it, I am guessing I am in such need of positive reinforcement, such an attention whore that its not worth doing if someone else cant appreciate it. Sometimes I remind myself of the little kid who keeps saying "mom! mom! mom! look at me! mom! look! watch me! watch me!" I havent felt attractive in years, in a lot of years as a matter of fact. I thought losing weight would be the brass ring so to speak. I would lose weight and everything that was unhappy in my life would suddenly become happy ta da! My whole life would change. Now health issues, and mobility issues, did change, but not the emotional baggage I continue to carry. Its still there. Things that I thought would change between my husband and I havent. So I guess I am looking for affirmation some where else. Do I want to leave my husband or have an affair? no of course not. I guess its for my own self esteem.
Maybe I am having a mid life crisis. Maybe I just want to know I can still turn a head. Maybe I am being absolutely ridiculous, but I cant help it. I need something for my self esteem, since its non existent.

emtional eating....again

2011-02-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

So I am not sure where my head is lately. I lost 60 pounds, worked out couple times a week, belly danced every week and now....not so much. I have gained back 12 pounds from inactivity alone. You know what I ate yesterday?? Cheetos. I havent eaten junk in months and I sure put a hurtin to some cheetos, oh and lets not forget the homemade peanut butter fudge I made. Today? Why I had a big fat cinnamon roll from panera and about a dozen (or more) pieces of Malleys chocolates we got at the office for Valentines Day. Pretty sure I have lost my mind. Why? The only thing I can think of is emotional eating again, and I really thought I had a handle on that. I am assuming the stress of the finances, which has affected every freakin' aspect of our lives, has caused it to rear its ugly head. Husband and I are having issues with one another due to the stress of all this, and I find myself eating when I get aggravated. We are trying very hard not to let this drive a huge wedge between us. So instead, apparently, I eat. ARGH! I am trying to make myself exercise or something but yeah its just not happening. I am gonna have to get my head together before I can get back into a routine I guess.

Its supposed to get really cold the next couple of days, down into the the mid teens and single digits at night. Yippee. My poor chickens come out long enough to peck a little bit and right back into the hen house with the heat lamp. They are barely laying right now. I am down to two little bitty Banty mil fluer's one rooster and one hen. I am just hoping I can get a brood out of them this summer. Their little eggs would be the size of those malted milk eggs maybe.

Well I am off to finish some homework with my Tarot cards, and then I need to start researching an essay I have due in a couple weeks, on Lughnasdah. I also found the cutest 3 dimensional paper hearts I want to make. Can't wait to get started on a few of them, just gotta find some thicker paper to work with. Will try to post some pictures when I get a couple done.

Blessing to all,
Rune and I

Just a short update.

2011-02-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

Been taking classes at the Firefly Academy, they are pagan, wiccan, tarot, etc classes. I really enjoy taking them. I have finished the crystal and stone class, am almost done with the first Tarot class. There are a lot of other classes I am looking forward to taking too. There are so many things I am interested in, these classes help me to stay focused. I am glad I found them.

Everything else is still running the same. Trying to figure out how to keep my house. I wont go down without a fight. We have had such storms lately! So much ice its crazy. But spring will be here in a month or so and we have to have the cold to kill off weed seeds and bugs. So I am just waiting for mud season to come lol.

Hoping the CSA takes off so I can afford the garden. We did good with it last year so here's hoping!!

lend me your ear?

2011-02-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

Well here it is two months since my last post. Crazy. A lot has gone on lately, I managed to make it through the holidays. I actually had a good time through the majority of it all lol. I didn't spend much since we really didn't have it, but still managed to get those I wanted to buy for something. The goody baskets were a hit as usual. Thank goodness!My daughter baked with me a lot this year, and that was very nice.

I made no resolution, because I knew I wasnt in the frame of mind to be following one. I am trying very hard to stay, maybe not positive, but optimistic? I keep telling myself things will get better, its not always gonna be this tough. But I gotta tell ya my subconscious isnt really buying it. Now in all honesty things really can't suck forever, its not possible. There has to be an up swing of some sort. I keep telling myself this.

Husbands unemployment is done, no more extensions, no more nothing. He's done. Well after two years of it I am certainly not going to complain that they need to cover more. I feel they did enough. But he still hasn't found a job. In my opinion at this point anything would be better than nothing. But there doesn't seem to be any sense of urgency from him.

Today is Imbolc. My daughter just asked me what I hoped to accomplish in the coming year. At this point I don't feel I can accomplish anything. I feel so mired down in worry, and stress that just keeping my head above water is an accomplishment. I am behind two months on my house payments, and again he doesn't seem overly worried. He is always under the assumption I will fix it and make it better. What happens when I can't? We have 5 dogs, 20 chickens, a cat and a bird...where will we go? Will there even be a "we" if this happens? I can be poor alone.

Forgive me for unloading, I guess I just needed to talk. I am trying to keep my head up and trying to do what I can. I am sure I will make it through one way or the other. I do hope that everyone out there has a happy Imbolc and I know we are all looking forward to spring.

Many blessings to everyone

looking forward to the holidays

2010-11-29T11:35:00.000-08:00

I have been working on Yule/Christmas ornaments for my etsy shop, husband has but to put the pics up. I also finished 2 large quail tail fans, a smaller one and two small feather bunches to use as smudge fans. Those will be posted too. I along with a friend have an on going list of things we can make to put on etsy and at some point, in my store. Its been nice bouncing ideas off one another and working on things.

Making a list of baking goods I need for the marathon baking that's about to start!! I want to get two of the goodie baskets out soon since they go out of state. I am anxious to get started this year. I have told myself over and over, I am going to enjoy the holidays no matter what. No matter what our finances are, no matter who visits or doesnt, no matter. I am going to go look at christmas lights, drink hot chocolate and watch it snow. I have already decorated my house, and I want to get a few more things to put up. I refuse to listen to those who grouch about the holidays. It is too easy to let yourself get bogged down by all the negative. Why is it so easy to be miserable? Why are most people comfortable with being that way?

could you let me know?

2010-11-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

Been working on my business endeavor, got the basement all cleared out and going through a lot of my materials. What I need to give away,sell, or keep. There are fabrics down there I have had for quite some time and I know I wont use it, so time to donate it or sell what I can. Organizing, seeing what needs repaired(when my daughter moved home she lived in that room with her cats and they scratched up the dry wall in spots so it needs replaced) and what I basically want to do. I am waiting for word from zoning to see if this is even feasible. If it cant be a store front it will be a meeting place for other like minded people to visit and get together.

I have my etsy account ready to go, just need pics and to get them up. I am a little more focused on what I want to make, although not alot!! lol I am going to sit down and list the things I am thinking about making. Make 2 or 3 post them and see what goes. I am hoping to have my website up and running next month,I just can not do it financially right now. So here is where I am asking for your help. If you visit occult shops, or websites what is it you look for? Do you shop for certain things? What would you most like to see in a shop?? What do you think good sellers would be? I really would appreciate any and all input.

I am working on smudging fans right now. I have 7 quail tails and 12 grouse tails I have dried and will be decorating them and getting them on line. I may make a couple ornaments out of the grouse tails. I am working hard for this to work, and I know it wont be easy or overnight, but I am pumped!!

If you would just take a minute to give me your opinion or thoughts I would so much appreciate it. Any positive thoughts or energies you want to send my way would be greatly appreciated as well!!

Blessing to you,
Lisa

negativity

2010-11-13T06:22:00.000-08:00

I was reading some other blog posts and one spoke of negative self outlook. At what point in our life do we start taking things other people tell us as gospel? What makes us doubt ourselves?

I have never told my children they weren't smart enough, or beautiful enough, or that they wouldnt amount to anything ever in their lives. Yet they both have self esteem issues. I have always been there to encourage and help and praise, was I a perfect mother? Of course not, but coming from a family where I was criticized and belittled I didnt want that for my kids. I watched both of them believe things that werent true, no matter what I tried to tell them.

I myself do the same thing. I cant take a compliment, but if someone is to ask or say something negative I catch myself buying into it. Why is it so many women, and men for that matter, believe what society tells us about our appearance, or what we should or shouldnt have? Magazine constantly preach the evil of being over weight, That you couldnt possibly be happy unless your a perfect size "whatever". No wrinkles, no flaws, no gray, no cellulite, the list goes on. I am trying very hard to embrace who I am, who I have become. Will I still color my hair? yes but not because society tells me to, but because I like red hair. :) I earned my wrinkles, whether they be from laughing or worries.

I think a perfect example of this is the fact that my whole life I kept telling myself if I lost weight I would be happy. Things would all of a sudden fall into place, the clouds would part and the angels sing. Well i lost 60 pounds, and things are just the same as they were before. Other than health issues that have gotten better, nothing else has changed. What did I expect? Not sure, but according to the rest of the world I should be just giddy with joy. I am glad I lost weight, and I have no intentions of trying to gain it back, but it wasnt the big cloud parting epiphany I thought it would be.

So I am trying very hard to retrain myself in my way of perception and thinking. I am trying to learn to love me the way I am, and find personal happiness.

the next endeavor

2010-11-09T06:21:00.000-08:00

The Halloween Party was Fantastic!! Everyone had fun and plenty to eat and drink. Costumes were great, and I cant wait until next year!! Some of the costumes were, Eddie from Rocky Horror, Bealzibob (sp?), zombie JFK and marilyn monroe, a wolfman, several zombies including one from a fishing accident complete with the boat propeller in his head (my husband), Dr. Acula, a little chinese girl, Pirate, and me as Poison Ivy from Bat man. ALthough I told everyone I was an asparagus lol!! We really all had a great time. I will try and get pics up too.

So now I am starting on my next endeavor. A few posts back I wrote how I was tired of always saying or hearing "yeah we should do that" or "wouldnt it be nice if..." I said how I had decided to take a trip to Salem next October, a place I have always wanted to see. I still plan on taking that trip, I have all sorts of info ran off on it and my husband and I go through it and discuss what we want to see. I cant wait!!! I will bring you all back a t shirt!! lol Well another wish/want of mine is to own my own business. One of the main issues I could never decide what kind of business. I want a diner, an occult shop, a soup kitchen, a bed and breakfast.... Well I think I have it narrowed down to an occult shop (at least to start with) I think I may start on line while working on the store itself. My plan is this. My house was a basement home to begin with. Which means my entire basement is a small house. The large room is 16'X22' and I am going to use that as my store front. It has its own entrance and bathroom. There are two doors between that room and my actual house upstairs so I can lock them and make sure the dogs dont get down there lol. I have room for parking and not a bad location. I have friends checking into zoning for me to see if this is do-able. If not from home then I will continue on line and placing my things where I can until I find a place I can work with.
I will be letting a few others sell there items on my website for a percentage and there are a few who are interested. Please keep your fingers crossed for me :) I dont expect to get rich by any means, but i do want to be happy with what I do. I want to look forward to going to work. I would like a place where like minded people can come and visit and find what they need. A place for classes, or meetings, or whatever. So I am going to give it a try. If I cant do it, at least I tried. I wont always wonder what if? I have enough regrets in my past, I dont want to add anymore, and not even trying would definately be one. I also want it to be something I can leave for my kids. Something of me to live on, to continue helping others. It helps me to put this out there too. To see it in writing and to tell people about it, makes it seem a little more real and not just a dream.

I have been working on Yule ornaments, trying to figure out which ones I want to make. I have way too many ideas lol. But I want to get on this as soon as I can. Getting the website up is my hold up right now. Its going to cost me about 100 bucks to do it, and I just dont have it right now. My husband is supposed to start a new job on Monday, keep your fingers crossed for us please. But I am going to keep working on things and not lose faith!! It may not happen right now, but it will happen.

Run!!! Its an attack of Zombie Babies!!

2010-10-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

ok. I have a couple pictures of some zombie babies I made for outside. They will be in a large cage by the gate of the graveyard.

She is the first one I made. Darling little precious thing isnt she? Reminds me of the line in Nightmare Before Christmas. "I am the one hiding under your bed...with teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red!"

Next are the twins. lol Sweet little snooky wookums arent they? Yeah... not so much.

This is me, dont I look proud? lol Dont mind the bloody hand prints on the freezer door behind me...its nothing. I swear.

Here are all the babies. There are 13 of them. I especially love the pouty one in front. That one just makes me laugh. lol I will try to get a pic of them all in the cage too.

I also got two of the 4 pumkins i have carved last night. This is the first one. I use a pocket knife and a drywall saw.

My son says this one looks like he is smirking. I say he looks like he is puking. I am really tempted to set him on a tray and serve a dip out of his mouth like he is yakking it up. lol I have two more to do, I am thinking one may look like jack skellington. Since I love Nightmare before Christmas. But I will let ya know.

My tarot pary I was supposed to have fell through. But I am two more in the works. So ...we'll see.

Saturday is the big party. I have a ton of stuff to do. Luckily I think I have everyones costume done!! Just want to make jewelry for mine. So I am off to make am ever growing list of things to do!! Happy Halloween!!

oh hell, its been a week hasnt it...

2010-10-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

I have heard the saying the road to heaven is paved with good intentions. I believe the road to blogging is too. I have all intentions of making entries, and then time just gets away from me.

I have counted up the costumes I have been working on and it comes to something like 10 or 12. LOL There is my own, (Poison Ivy from batman) Ursula, Columbia and Eddie from rocky horror, and chinese girl outfit. I will be helping with the make-up on zombie Marylin Monroe and JFK, Kat Von D, A pirate, and a Zombie fisherman. I helped with hats on Mario and Luigi too. Two girls at work borrowed a previous years costume of Cruella de Ville and another borrowed my belly dance out fit. Seriously, I should have my own shop lol.

I have my first Tarot card party on sunday, I will keep you posted on how it turns out. I have Halloween pendulums to give to those who attend. I have a lot of interest, but little follow through. Everyone seems to want to have it done, but no one wants to actually put forth any effort. I guess if I offered to drive over to their house and do it for them maybe more would agree. But I dont see that happening. Like I said before, I dont expect to make a lot of money, just needed a little extra to help with the party and a couple things at home. (Husband is supposed to have an interview on monday. Lets hope a job is in the very near future.)

We have been working on the inside of the house. Doing as much as we can ahead of time, yet only what can be done that cat or dogs wont eat, and or "rearrange". Getting the last minute food list updated and seeing what I have and what I still need to get. I took friday the 29th off workso I will spend the day preparing the food and last minute decorating.

I am off to a gemshow shortly. Looking for an inexpensive bloodstone pendulum. Would like to try my hand at past life research. There are a few other stones I am looking for as well, will let you know what I find!!

Happy Hauntings!

Welcome to Dark Gardens Cemetary

2010-10-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

Welcome!! I am glad you could join me for a tour of "Dark Gardens". Ready? follow me... what? Oh dont mind him he's harmless really. . . for the most part...

See? its not all bad. There's Candy involved!!!

Looks harmless enough right? I mean its day time so your probably safe.

Here you can see one of the stone crypts, there is a fog machine down inside it. The fog oozes out and rolls across the cemetary. There is a boney fellow in the coffin coming out of the ground. He just cant seem to stay put.

Now your glad we are touring in the day light arent you? Imagine meeting him at night? He is still just too creepy even now. Of course I am one of those who dont like clowns or jesters to begin with, so I try to just avoid this guy, lets keep moving.....

Around the corner this guy waves hello. Frightfully nice isnt he (tee hee) ok ok sorry bad pun...

Apparently this is what happens when you try to prune grape vines, but the vines had other ideas. So she is hanging there entangled in their grasp. (notice I didnt say anything along the lines of her "whining (wining)" get it?? ) ok ok.... anyway.....

Just behind us are several tombstones and crosses. (Probably the resting place of all the bad jokes ) But I do like her, although at night she has been seen dancing around the garden, looking innocent and drawing people in....

He scares away more than the birds and squirrels...matter of fact since he has come, there hasnt been much of anything alive in the garden? hmmmmm lets keep moving

This is the second crypt on the other side of the cemetary. The little skeleton gentleman is often seen peeking around corners and venturing to the gate once the moon is out. So far he hasnt actually left the cemetary, but he does peek in the window on occasion. Although with 5 dogs I think he knows he is wiser to stay out there. :)

One last look across Dark Gardens before you leave. There is a tree there in the center full of skull heads and lots of tombstones. Everything is lit up at night, and the fog rolls across giving it an eerie effect. There are still a few more things that need put in there, but for the most part its done. Everyone walks through it to get to the house and enjoys reading all the stones, and does a fair amount of looking over their shoulders. I hope you have enjoyed your tour of my front yard cemetary, and if your brave enough to want to venture in at night...I will leave a light on for you :)

13, 14 and 15

2010-10-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

Again with the three days...There just doesnt seem to be enough hours in my day. I work 40 plus hours a week, and when I get home there are many commitments waiting for me. Every night I work on either my costume or a friends or details on the Halloween party, in addition to what ever else I need to do. I am not complaining, I enjoy creating I just need more hours. lol Or maybe less ideas?

I keep tossing around the idea of doing tarot card reading "partys". My idea is to have someone host a party, invite a few friends (the fee would be 20 dollars a person) and the hostess gets her reading free. I wouldnt set a time limit. Each person could be read as long as it takes. Now I dont claim to be a pro at reading the cards, but I have done quite a few readings and have yet to have someone unhappy about theirs. So its a thought. I dont expect to do it and make a ton of money. But right now any little bit helps, since my husband is still laid off. Its something I enjoy doing, so I may try. Worst that could happen is that no one wants a reading.

Still want to get to the apple orchard and get some apples for pie filling. I would like to can up a couple dozen jars for the winter. I would also like to make some big fat apple dumplings. mmmmm

I am hoping to get the front yard grave yard pics up in tomorrows post, the husband took quite a few for me. So stay tuned!!

October 10th & 11th...and the 12th

2010-10-12T17:59:00.000-07:00

Eeeep! Now I have let 3 days pass! I really am trying to blog everyday I swear lol. Lets see... I have painted up two gourds, one is a monster type face and the other a black cat, made a few polymer clay pieces, and made my daughter a small Halloween altar from a tiny box.

This is the front of the box. Its about 3 in. X 4in. Next is the inside of the box. You can see the small polymer clay pumpkin I made for the inside.

I am very happy with the way it turned out. She absolutely loves it! I am going to look for more little boxes to make one for my son and a couple for gifts.

These are the gourds I did. The cat one has black glitter stand up ears, that are a little hard to see. These are just for me to use to decorate with.

Now for the grand finale, this is an updated picture of Rune. She is a little over a year old now.

Certainly not the little fuzz ball she was. lol Although she isnt big by any means, she only weighs about 7 pounds. She can still run 5 big dogs all over the house!!

I will try to get some pics up of the graveyard out front in the next couple of posts!!

Happy Halloween from Rune and I !!

8 & 9th of October. Good friends and bad movies

2010-10-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

The weather has been beautiful the past couple of days. My husband and his friends have really gotten a lot done on the gave yard. A second crypt has been put up, a couple more dummys and spider webbing along with lights and fog machine. I really need to get started inside, but today may be a crafty day off. I dont feel real great and I just want to lay around and do nothing. But there are so many things rolling around in my head to create. So that sounds a little better to me than just laying on the couch. Although if these cramps continue at the rate they are going, it may be an option. ugh!

I have seen so many Halloween blogs with great ideas for craft items that I just want to try my hand at all of them. I work in polymer clay quite a bit and someone has ordered a dragon from me, I still need to paint him and get him in the mail. A friend wants a dragon of his own from me as well as some other ideas I want to do. I want to make some gifts to give on Halloween as well as christmas. I try to keep a notebook with sketches and ideas of all the things I want to make because I know I cant get to them as fast as they roll into my head. I am onto my third very large 3 ring binder LOL.

last Night we had friends over and watched Rocky Horror, The dead next door (which was actually filmed locally) and the Brain that wouldnt die. I had cheeseburger soup for dinner with oatmeal honey bread and then had veggies and chips and no bake cookies for movie watching. Seems like everyday so far we have done something pertaining to Halloween. I love it!!

Oct 6 & 7 shopping, costumes, and movies

2010-10-07T06:50:00.000-07:00

Wow this posting everyday in October is a little tougher than a I thought lol. Yesterday after a long tedious office meeting the husband I went to one of the local Halloween stores. We go in a drool over the huge animated monsters and wish we could win the lottery so we could load up on a few dozen of them lol. We looked through a lot of the decorations, but with him still unemployed I ended up just buying a cool set of sparkly raven cutouts, two black sparkly taper candles and a way cool halloween pencil with a skull head eraser for my desk at work lol. I ended up spending 5 bucks, not bad at all considering we usually drop a lot more than that.

We got home and some friends stopped by looking for help with their costumes. This happens alot when people find out you can sew. So, I have already made one friends costume, now I am on to this one lol. Luckily I am a fabric whore, and have everything she needs so she wont have to spend a ton on her costume. She was very happy about that, and honestly, I like helping and creating. I think I have decided to be Poison Ivy from Batman, so I need to actually get started on my own costume too.

This weekend looks like we will have a house full over to watch cheesy scarey movies. I am gonna make a big batch of soup and bread and then munchies for later on. I really love having a house full of company. I always wanted a large family, but things didnt work out that way. So I guess I make up for it this way lol. There will be about 8 to 10 of us I believe. I also love cooking for everyone. :)

So tonight I think we will start bringing the inside decor up and start doing a little decorating. I really need to take pics and get some up here. I also really need to learn how to not be so computer illiterate lol. Maybe you all could just stop by for a visit and see for yourself?? It would be way easier that way =)

Oct. 5 A few traditions

2010-10-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

The past couple of days has been so cold and rainy, but I dont mind it at all. It's this kind of weather that makes me want to prepare the "traditional" fall foods. (at least at my house they are traditional) Soups and stews of any kind, fresh baked breads, apple cider, hot chocolate, and different flavored hot teas. Other foods that mean fall to me are caramel apples, one of my all time favorite foods!! Candy corn, and those marshmellow creme pumpkins...mmmmmm. Of course pumpkin seeds, pumpkin bars or muffins, or a new favorite is pumpkin pancakes. dee~lish! This time of year, the garden is winding down, so we arent quite as busy. That leaves me a little more time to read a few good horror stories or ghost tales, while having my blackberry tea. The dogs all pile up on the couch with me while I read. Rune takes this opportunity to sneak over the back of the couch and try to sneak a few drinks of my tea before I chase her out of it. Then she tries to lay in the middle of the book, no matter if I am holding it.

I have just finished reading the original Dracula, very good, although the ending was a little anticlimatic in my opinion. I am currently reading a book called Ghost Hunting by Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson, the guys from ghost hunters on tv. When we had a tv we used to watch them all the time. Its a book of true stories of unexplained phenomena. Not bad so far, not edge of your seat exciting, but interesting enough that you want to continue reading it. I find ghosts and spirits fascinating. Every Halloween I try to find something for us all to do as a family. The past couple of years we have gone on a haunted cemetary walk in canal fulton. It was really fun, and the lady who leads it is full of information about the cemetary. The meanings of the carvings on the stones, who some of the people were and their historys. My husband and I love walking through older cemetaries and looking at the old stones. Such beautiful artwork, and sometimes so sad as well, to see small children who have passed so early on.

Thats a few of the Halloween/fall traditions that go on around here. What kind of traditions do you all have?

oct. 4 - costumes

2010-10-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

I love all the lore and history behind halloween. I enjoy reading about the superstitions of the holiday and how they have managed to still be in effect, although somewhat modified. Like the wearing of costumes. Originally people wore them to hide themselves from evil ghosts or spirits. If they disguised themselves then trouble making ghosts, more than likely deceased disgruntled relatives, wouldnt recognize them and cause trouble. We no longer hide from spirits, what with the interest in ghost hunting from all the t.v. shows. I feel alot of us dress up to show a part of our personality that we keep hidden. We like to dress up for the adventures we want to have, or to strut our stuff in something a little more revealing than we would normally wear, or to simply allow ourselves to have fun. Its the one day that no matter what you dress as, its ok.

Some people just simply pick something and go with it. Some, like myself, think it to death and try to decide on something so amazing that people will be stunned!! Or at least something that would be fun to play in all night lol. I love making my own costumes, and I usually end up making my daughter's, son's and husbands and helping random friends with theirs. I still dont know what I am gonna be this year. I am kinda leaning towards Medusa at this point, also thought about a voodoo priestess. I just cant decide!! lol

We have a lot of different things coming to the party so far. Zombies, pirates, a post mortem marilyn monroe and jfk, characters from a video game, a greek goddess, and more. I cant wait to see everyone!! Will keep everyone posted on what I end up being and will post pics of all the costumes.

Blessings from Rune and I

p.s. got my spider webs for my windows at the office! and someone bought me the coolest spider rings!!

October 2 & 3

2010-10-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

Quite a lot was accomplished yesterday as far as outside decorating goes. My husband and his friend put out several dummies, a freaky looking Jester, a grave digger, a monster that looks like his face is peeled off, a creepy scarecrow, a werewolf. a grim reaper, and several skeletons. There is a gallows with a hanged man, a chopping block with a headless man, and a wood chipper with legs sticking out. Tombstones adorne my very weedy herb garden as well as stone gargoyles that were moved out of my flower beds. (Our friend remarked if was the only cemetary he knew of that smelled like pickles lol because of the dill still left there.) They built an above ground grave from cement block and slabs of marble. There will be a strobe light inside it so it will flash through the cracks and out the top. Some of the lighting got put in place, but the rain came and they had to call it a night. We had some delicious vegetable soup that the friends brought over, with french bread and cheddar cheese.

My husband saw on Craigs list, an ad for an old upright organ. The picture of it showed an old dark wood organ that although still working, needed a lot of restorations. He called about it and luckily it was still available and best of all free!! They went and got it last night and it will be put in the living room, since we decorate that room to look like an old funeral parlor. He is going to make pipes for the back of it so it looks like an old pipe organ. Its perfect for in there. I also have an old silverplated candleabra (sp?) I got at goodwill for 2 dollars for the top. While I was there I picked up some old silver serving dishes. I think those will look great on the black lace table cloth for serving food in. The menu is still being tweaked and I am going to divide the food between in the house and out at the fire. It just got too congested in the dining room around the food. So maybe if I split it up I can avoid the traffic jams.

We still have inside the house to decorate, which takes quite awhile since we take down most everything inside to be replaces with haunted scarey Halloween goodness.
I need to get spider webs, lots and lots of spider webs. Today is starting out rainy, but hopefully it clears so the rest of the lighting can be run. I think I will make a pot of either cheeseburger soup or lasagna soup today. My daughter and her friend are stopping by later, her friend wants her cards read, and I know they will be hungry. Would like to get some bread baked too.

So, I am off to tackle a few more Halloween projects, and potions. Hope everyone has had a great weekend. Seems like its over way too soon.

Blessings from Rune and I

October!!

2010-10-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of October!! I am excited! I love the fall and especially Samhein. Preparations have already started on decorating the house and yard for the party. My husband has built several "monster dummies", who stand over 6 feet tall and very realistic. The tombstones have been brought out and there is talk of a flying apparition being added. I need to figure what to add to the inside of the house as well. Cant leave it like it was last year, have to top it!

I decorated my office today too. There are bats hanging from the ceiling, bloody hand prints on the walls and windows,and witches everywhere. I would like to find either some smaller skeletons to hang with the bats or just skulls, will have to look for them. I work at an orthodontic office and the kids really love the decorations.

We are having friends over to work on the front yard grave yard this weekend. I think I will make a big pot of baked potato soup. That way I can make a huge pot, and there will be plenty. Probably some homemade bread too.

Still havent decided what to be for Halloween. I need to get on it so I can get my costume ready. The party seems to be getting bigger everyday. lol Hopefully the weather will cooperate and we can have a bonfire going too, so people can go outside. I cant wait to see everyones costumes, there are always some good ones.

Ok, off to get things done, happy fall!

readings

2010-09-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

Last night my daughter had a home party. Her friends and some of mine all came and she had quite the house full. I had told them I would do tarot readings after the party, I ended up reading about 9 times. Seven different people and 1 person twice. Everyone seemed very happy with their readings. One girl had never had hers done and when I started reading and asking about things, she kept saying "oh my god! How did you know?! oh my god!" lol She was so cute, she made me laugh. One of the ladys there said she was Wiccan, and was fairly new to everything, she had a lot of questions. While I am not an expert, I answered everything I could for her and she seemed very happy. She was such a sweet person. She was so excited that she could talk to someone about it and not be judged. Sad isnt it? We had a nice discussion and I didnt get home till almost midnight.

I really enjoyed doing the readings and was pretty pumped when I got home, to tell my husband all about it. Luckily he wanted to hear it lol. So all in all everything went really well. I am excited to keep studying and learning with my cards. I would like to be able to help people find answers, or at least a direction that they're looking for.

Here's the plan

2010-09-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot about my last post. I have decided that I am going to Salem Massachusets next october. I have wanted to go there for sometime now, so I am going to save every thing I can and go. Its not gonna be easy since my husband is still not working, but I believe if you want something bad enough you can make it happen. I have also never seen the ocean, so I can do that too. I dont want my life full of "I wish I would haves" I am also very tired of hearing, "yeah we'll have to do that sometime". Make plans, do things, dont put it off. So anyway, that's my plan as it stands today.

We went to a Mabon festival over the weekend. We always have such a good time when we go. I got a new set of Tarot cards called The beasts of Albion (i think?) Really like them. I also found a Halloween decoration thats a witch on a broom with wings. She is sound activated and her eyes light up, she makes weird noises and flaps her wings. lol I really like her. We watched belly dancers and listened to live music. Watching those dancers really made me realize how much I miss dancing. I think I am going to make myself a belly dance outfit for the Halloween party.

My daughter is having a home party, and I said I would read cards afterwards if anyone wanted. I am anxious to see how it goes. I am also wanting to learn the new deck so I dont have to keep referring back to the book. This new deck is more for learning about yourself. What animal guide is trying to help you,or that you should look for. Its pretty interesting. Well I am going to finish my coffee and work with my cards for awhile.

As always,
Blessings from Rune and I

37 days

2010-09-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

I just read a blog about a womans whose father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Towards the end he was in the hospital (she was 19 at the time) and had only days to live. He managed to hang in for 37 days. To help herself cope she started raising awareness of how short life is, how you shouldnt squander one day of it. She asked the question what would you do if you knew you only had 37 days left? Now none of us know when our time will come, and I know you're always hearing how you should live life to the fullest. While of course we all should, it isnt always feasible. Everyday responsibilities and pressures often take up most of our time, and we feel guilty for taking time out for ourselves. So here is my thought. Since most of us cant afford to just jump a plane and travel or do extravagant things, what if we just did one thing nice that day? Take a half hour and read something you enjoy, sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, do something for yourself or someone else. Whatever makes you happy. This sounds so easy to do, but I know for me it isnt. Taking time for myself is rare. The time i do take seems to be squander by feeling guilty or just being lazy and doing nothing. (which is fine if thats what I WANT to do) But there are things that I think about doing or trying, that I keep putting off. Why do I do this? I dont know really. I guess because like everyone else i feel like my time is unlimited. I will get to it tomorrow, or later, or when I get a minute.

Right now I am not overly happy with where my life is. I love my husband and my kids, and while my job isnt what I wanted to be when I grew up, its a good job and I like it. But there is just something missing. I feel like I am just going through the motions and not really living life. Like a hampster on the wheel, just over and over. I have always told my kids if your not happy with something, you have the choice to change it. So what is it that I am passionate about? I dont know for sure. I love to do alot of things, I guess I am most passionate about bellydancing. So maybe I should keep it up, even though I can afford classes anymore since the husband is still layed off, I could do it at home.
Something to consider.

I think what I will try is to do at least one thing that I WANT to everyday. Something fun, or fulfulling, or just simply enjoyable to me. I would like to slow down and appreciate the little things too. I think I will make this a goal to work towards. I'll keep you posted on my progress. :)

As always,
Blessings from Rune and I

scratch, scratch, scratch...

2010-09-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

This has been a rough couple weeks. I have had an allergic reaction to something I ate and have a rash over 75% of me. It itches so freakin bad!! I have scratched until I have bruised myself. I am taking meds for it, but the first ones werent strong enough so this is round two. I have got to figure out what it is I am allergic to so I can avoid it like the plague.

My tenth wedding anniversary fell during this lovely time, so needless to say, we didnt really celebrate. Hard to do much when your busy scratching and rubbing cortizone cream all over yourself. Talk about sexy, and who doesnt want to sit in a restaurant and watch someone scratch? yeah....

On the upside, I have been making myself a doll. Normally I am not much of a doll person, but for some reason I really needed to make this one. She is my Crone doll. I didnt realize thats what she was until I was about half way through. Then it just dawned on me. She will be around to talk to and watch over things. I just need to dress her and give her hair. So far though I havent been able to find fabric that I like yet in what I have here. Guess I may have to go shop for some!!!! =)

I also want to make these little dolls out of beads, like worry dolls sort of. I am going to have to put pictures up of these when I get them done. I have more ideas for things in my head lately!!

I have been reading cards for a few people as of late, everyone seems pretty happy with their readings. I read my own and they keep telling me I am in for a change, or need to make a decision. That something I have been working on will pay off. I got no clue. I have worked on a lot of things both physically and mentally so I am at a loss as to which one. I even got out my fairy deck and it told me the same things. I will be doing some other readings for my daughters friends next week. She is having some sort of home party and told people I would.

Have some Halloween ideas I need to work on too. I want to find older silver serving trays at the thrift store, so I can use them at the party. I think that would be really cool to have silver trays on a black lace table cloth. Still tossing ideas around for the tree too. Husband is supposed to get the structure done so I can work on the details and the face. Havent figured out a costume yet either. It will come to me.

Well I am off to feed the boys and Rune and continue scratching. lol

As always,
Blessings from Rune and I

loving the coming of Fall

2010-09-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

Fall is coming, and I am pumped! Cooler weather is coming, and I look so cute in sweaters LOL. ok, really now I seriously love the fall. Halloween is coming and the party plans are already being made. Looking for materials to create more headstones and pieces needed to continue decorating the house. Havent decided on a costume yet. I am trying to lose an additional 10 pounds by Halloween ( I have lost 62 already). But I seem to be losing and gaining the same two pounds over and over. Gotta get on it and do something to push through this plateau.

Had friends over this past weekend, and they were all discussing movie stars that have had plastic surgery or collagen done. How pretty they were before the surgeries, and how now they are kinda scarey now. One friend made the statement that 90 percent of men like women who are curvy and not so skinny. I laughed at him. I told him pick up any womens magazine, or tabloid and the first thing they all say is "How to lose weight", or "Look who has cellulite!" We are constantly bombarded by the idea that if you arent thin and perfect, your not good enough. So if he is right that men like curvy women, who is telling us we need to be skinny? Other women? Why do we do this to ourselves? The constant self doubt, never feeling good enough, or pretty enough. We really need to stop this line of thinking, but its been so ingrained into our brain that I dont know if we can? I just find it incredibly sad.

I am looking forward to having a three day weekend. Planning on a bike ride in the morning weather permitting. I am up to 6 miles so far! GO me!! Then it will be a day or so of jelly making, pickling, and baking. I am going to try to have one day of laying around!! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

the need to create

2010-08-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

I have been really wanting to get creative again. I think that's a good sign. So many ideas running through my head. I have taken a fascination with dolls, lately. Not your run of the mill baby doll or pretty little posed doll, but weird off the wall ones I have seen. Some almost look like voodoo dolls, some have and ordinary cloth body with a face only a mother could love, (or someone who was into Halloween and darker things). I find myself wanting to make one, its face out of clay with crazy hair and lots of beads. Besides the doll, gourds are running rampant through my head. I want to paint monster faces, and dark scenery and what not on them. I want to use the wood burner on them too. My hands want to touch fabric, and beads. A crazy quilt is begging to come out. My stack of quilts are talking to me to finish them. I want to embroider and create. I am going to have to do something or else I am pretty sure my head will implode upon itself with all the ideas I have circling around. I think I am going to go get my clay and see what kind of face is wanting to be seen. Anyone else get this way?

Fairy tarot, and a scarey Rune

2010-08-03T16:07:00.000-07:00

You know there are times I just dont know what to write about. My day to day life seems boring, and I dont want to make this a poor bitchy me blog. Other blogs seem so witty and flow so easy, and I get intimidated. I shouldnt because in all honesty most are just talking about their day to day lives. So what the hell, I am just gonna go with it.

We had friends over for Lammas this past weekend. I made chicken and dumplings outside in my cast iron pot, along with fresh green beans, honey oatmeal bread and blackberry cobbler with ice cream. It was deelish, if I do say so myself.

My kids got home from their vacation to hilton head, and brought me a coffee mug that says "property of the wicked witch" and has a witch on a broom. lol I love it.

I have been fooling with my fairy tarot deck lately. I am just not happy with things at this point in my life and I am trying to get my head around why. So for some reason I got a real strong pull to get that deck out. They keep telling me to be happy I must find it within. That I need to get out of my own way and stop second guessing. That I need to let people in, and let my guard down. While this is all well and good, its nothing I didnt already know. What I dont know is what. What am I suppose to get out of the way of? I have always had a very hard time with letting people in, and some things happened this summer between my husband and I that really caused some hurt. I am having a hard time getting past it. I feel like I let my guard down and let someone in, and now it came back to bite me in the ass. Like I should have known better. As far as finding happiness with in, I am clueless. I dont know what would make me happy so I dont know in what direction I need to go. I suppose I may be over thinking things and should just let it come to the surface, but I have the patience of a piss ant. lol

I have been working on an art journal lately too. Maybe things will surface there. I mostly do collages and I really enjoy doing them. I have also been going over some ideas of things I want to make for our Halloween party. I am looking at making more zombies and I want to do a haunted tree. Its basically a scarey looking tree with a face. So gotta get started on those, since there is only 3 months left!!

Rune is actually sitting with me while I type, she hasnt done that for awhile now. She looks terribly annoyed that I am typing and not scratching her ears. She has become an amazing bug catcher, and loves to sit in the window and watch birds. She scrunches her self down low and twitches her tail and chatters at them. Of course they are rude and dont even acknowledge her fearful presence. I assure her its because they are so filled with fright that they dont even want to look her way. So far she seems to be buying it...

As always,
Blessings from Rune and I

I dont want it to end

2010-07-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to see this weekend end. It was a very nice 3 days off and much needed. We had friends over and had the potato soup, everyone enjoyed it and we served it with a mixed green salad from the garden and home made bread. The neighbor a couple houses down set off fireworks so I got to see some. I absolutely adore fireworks. I wish I could see them more than once a year. But the city we live in didnt have them this year due to the economy. So it was nice I got to see a small show anyway.

We had nothing going on on the fourth itself, no picnics or get togethers. My kids were gone or working so we spent a nice day together. We played in the pool (I have yet to find a bathing suit, so it was shorts and a tank top :})had a nice lunch, and I lost all three games of bananagrams by one stinking letter!! (Damn you Q!!) Later we had a bottle of dandelion wine and I worked on my art journal.

Today my daughter stopped by to play in the pool for awhile, and I made her and my husband burgers for lunch. She brought me my favorite popsicles, the red white and blue ones! I ended up making peanut butter fudge and between the 3 of us the plate is empty lol. It was nice having her over, seems like I dont get to see her much. She is a busy girl, and works alot.

So I am now typing this wishing time would stand still so I wouldnt have to go to work tomorrow. I would give my eye teeth to be able to stay home again, but no such luck. Well the boys are eyeballing me for dinner, I am 17 minutes late with it. lol

Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!!

As always,
Blessings from Rune and I

redneck 4th

2010-07-02T16:31:00.001-07:00

Got my test results back from the doctor yesterday. My bad cholesterol that was at 160 is now at 138!!! Thats a drop of 22!! Am I the shit or what!? He wants it under 130 so only 8 more to go. So no meds for me :) yay me!! I was really figuring that it was going to be more genetic since my Mom and sister both have high cholestrol, but it looks like it was just due mainly to my crappy diet. I was concerned about my protein level since I stopped eating meat, but he said it was good. I may start eating meat again, but only meat we raised or I know who did. I can not with a clear mind eat store bought meat again. We also had my husbands bloodwork done and found out my his cholesterol is way high. The doc wants his cholesterol to be at 100 or lower, his is 182. Almost double! He also smokes, and has a history of heart attacks in his family. He isnt over weight at all, and is very active, which is why he thought it was crazy for him to go have it checked. Thank god we did, Doc put him on meds, and we will be working on changing his eating habits as well.

My pool is finally filled! Of course then we got a cool spell and I couldnt use it without suffering hypothermia (ok it wasnt THAT cold, but cold enough you didnt want to get wet) Yesterday was warmer and so was today, so I am thinking tomorrow I am in it! I was in it once to help mix chemicals and skim off the bugs (eeeewwww) Gotta get the cover from my daughter asap.I told my daughter we were gonna push the picnic table up to the pool and pretend it was a deck and hold sparklers over the water since where we live isnt doing fireworks this year. She just shook her head and referred to me as a redneck LOL!!! I love telling her crap like that, cause she isnt real sure whether I am kidding or not heheeee!!!

I am following a blog that has started doing an art journal. I havent been feeling very creative lately at all, so I thought this might help. You can join in at Whimsicalcottage.blogspot.com if your interested. I dont know if mine will be any good but hopefully it just gets me creating again, and as long as its fun its all good right?

Tomorrow night we are having friends over for stuffed baked potato soup cooked in my cast iron dutch oven over the fire. I have already made the home made bread to go with it, now I am just trying to think of a simple desert. Maybe just cookies of some sort. The soup is sooo good. We've done this before and that pot was cleaned out!

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th!!

As always,
Blessings from Rune and I

I got a pool!

2010-06-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

The solstice party went very well, everyone ate and drank and we had a bonfire that night. They all brought covered dishes and everything was delicious.

Last night was full moon, and I took the ashes from the solstice bonfire and put them around the garden beds to ensure a fertile garden. I lit a candle and left my moonstone pendant outside over night to recharge. It was very cloudy but the moon came out when I lit the candle and I stayed out there and enjoyed it until the cloud cover came back.It was so bright! I wish I could have seen the partial lunar eclipse when it happened but I couldnt.

I got a 3foot deep by 12 foot wide pool, given to me! pretty excited about it. I know it isnt big enough to actually swim in, but its big enough to get in and cool down(we dont have air conditioning)and do some water exercises. Hopefully this brings my motivation back. Its almost full, since we have a well we cant just let the hose run nonstop as it will burn up the pump. So we run it for about 5 or 10 minutes once an hour or so. We also got some rain and that helped out.Its got a filter and cover and all that business. I absolutely love the water, so I am pretty happy even if it is only 3 feet deep :) The real bitch was trying to find a flat level spot for it that wasnt already tilled for planting lol. Now if I could only find a bathing suit!

Just about ready

2010-06-17T05:26:00.001-07:00

I think I have just about everything ready for the Solstice celebration this weekend. Well, maybe not ready but purchased at least. We should have about 15 to 20 people coming. The weather looks like its going to cooperate as well. Tomorrow I will boil the eggs for the deviled eggs, make the cookies, and peel and cook the shrimp for the boil.Then saturday I will bake bread and put the eggs together, and get everything on to simmer out on the grill.

We have been putting out the garden, and all the additional beds. We planted over 50 addition tomato plants, mostly heirlooms. I want to resew some cucumbers that didnt come up, and we have some additional basil to get out. Since we only have an acre, we are running out of places to plant!! The dogs pen takes up space, as well as the chicken house and yard. The only area left is up close by the street, but its predominantly shade. Next year we need to thin out the strawberry beds and I have no idea where those will go unless we take them to husbands uncles home. He has room there. The blackberries are starting to ripen, we found a few last night. yum

One of my little Mille de Fleur roosters is starting to crow. It sounds so funny. I have named the roosters Fred and Gene, and the hens are Ginger, Cyd, and Judy. They are so cute, but havent figured out to go up the ramp into the hen house yet. They roost out in their hen yard. Hopefully they figure it out before they start laying!!

solstice

2010-06-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

We are having a shrimp boil this weekend to celebrate the solstice. We had one last year and it went over really well. Everyone comes and brings a covered dish and I make a huge pot of chicken broth with smoked sausage, corn on the cob pieces, potatos, squash, and shrimp. Its well seasoned and cooked over the fire outside. Its absolutely delicious. After everyone eats we have a nice fire and roast marshmellows and sit and enjoy being stuffed lol. I am looking forward to it, hoping the weather holds out for me. Between finances, and all the crap going on between husband and I it would be nice for us to just have an evening to relax. Besides that, I get to show off my new chickens!! They are just the cutest little bantys ever. I am gonna get pictures of them to post on here. They are young still, but I am gonna let them hatch out a clutch of eggs when old enough. I have two roosters and 3 hens. I also got a beautiful black americana hen. So we are up to about 15 hens i believe not count my little ones. I am back in the egg business!!

Things keep rolling

2010-05-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

Life has been hectic and stressful lately. More so than usual if that's possible. Personal issues have come up and really done a job on my husband and I. Still trying to get my mind around most of them. Unfortunately he still hasn't been able to find work, and its been a year and a half. I am working on a jewelry line that's made from recycled fishing spinner blades, it's turning out really well. We are setting up at a huge flea market this weekend to give it a test run. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. My husband has made beautiful hand carved staffs, rods, and wands from different types of wood. There is a local shop that told him to bring them there and they would sell them on commision. Again wish us luck.

We are putting out the garden this weekend, so i need to get some plants and seed after work today. Our garden is 45X70 with about 5 other single beds that run about
4X8. We can, dry, or freeze everything we can. Its really been a big help through this past winter, with limited income.

I am awfully glad I have a 3 day weekend too. Hopefully I can take at least part of one day and relax a little. Well, off here to head to the garden center and play in the plants. :)

my tattoos

2010-05-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

I am slowly learning how to work a computer lol. I figured out how to get the pictures of my tattoos onto my blog! I am so proud of myself lol. The first tattoo is on my back (yeah i got a tramp stamp) and I got it when I turned 40, a gift from a friend. I believe that may have been my midlife crisis. :) The Second tattoo of the bellydancing witch I have on my left calf and got it for my 45 birthday, from my daughter. I designed both of the tattoos myself and both hold a lot of meaning for me. I love them. I dont think a tattoo is something that should be entered into lightly. Its forever, it should mean something for you.

The dragons are each of my kids and their tales make the never ending love knot.The 3 of us have been through alot when I divorced their dad and it was just us.The cresent moon and star is a symbol I have used since I was a kid on things, to personalize. In the center is a symbol that is personal and means something between my husband and I and the pentagram, well thats self explanitory.

The belly dancing witch symbolizes two very important changes in my life. When I started dancing and getting healthier,and was something I always wanted to know how to do, and the witch symbolizes when I found Paganism and could finally put a "word" to what I believed. It was something that brought peace, and a wholeness to me.

My daughter wants us to get tattoos that go together. When they were little I used to tell them I loved them " a bushel and a peck" and they would always say "and a hug around the neck" and give me a hug. So I would get the words 'bushel and a peck' and she would get 'and a hug around the neck'. lol I like the idea :)

X,Y,Z

2010-05-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

computer issues and now I am behind, EEP! ok, the letter is X today. Hmmmm. Well I will tell you I used to have X's in my life, in the form of XL or XXL clothes. But I lost the X's, heck I have even lost some of the L's. But wearing that size, was always embarrassing to me. Knowing you were not just large, but extra large, or even extra-extra large. I told myself I was ok with it, but really it was embarrassing. I am glad I have lost those X's, my knees are doing much better and I am able to do more. Even though X can mark the spot for treasure, it was a "booty" I didnt want. :) heheheee

Y would have to be for Yarn. I love different yarns. All colors and thicknesses. Rune does too, she thinks she is a yarn conisour. She can tell you which ones taste better, which ones unravel the best and which ones are the best for wrapping around the chair legs. She is a big help. I enjoy crocheting, even though I am not very good. My mother in law is amazing at it. She can whip out an afghan in a day, I swear. I have to count and pay attention to what I am doing otherwise it looks like Rune helped. I used to know how to knit, but its been so long I cant remember now. I like to crochet squares and send them to warm up america and they make afghans for those who need them.

Z is for Zumba. I havent gotten to take the class yet, but its on my list of things to try. It looks like fun, although I am pretty sure its gonna kick my butt. Daughter and I are trying to find an affordable class at a time we can both go. That's never easy. (Would also like to try Yoga too.) I will let you know if I can finally work it out and get to a class. That is if I have the strength and ability to type after taking the class!!

W -- is for Witch

2010-04-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

Yes I am a witch. I absolutely love (sarcasm) the comments when someone hears that. You know the usual, can you turn me into a frog?? lets see you fly, and how about I dont see any warts on your nose. I smile and nod my head most of the time. But it really does get old. Trying to explain what spells are and how they are actually done, is usually pointless. If I were to make fun of someone being a christian like that, it would be totally unacceptable. I think most everyone needs something to believe in, and I honestly dont care what you want to believe in. Who am I to say your wrong? If it works for you and makes you happy, have at it. I just truly wish I was offered the same courtesy, and given the same respect.

V is for the view

2010-04-27T18:19:00.000-07:00

no not the tv show, the view from my kitchen window. As I sit here typing this the moon is full and so bright!! Its a very clear night here, which means its gonna be a cold one. I am always so in awe when i see the moon like this. So bright and close. I text my kids and tell them to go look, and I even leave a little note on face book for those who want to enjoy the beauty of it. My husband and I will sometimes step out on the porch together just to look for awhile.

I plan on taking one of the new white candles my husband bought me out tonight to burn in her honor. These candles are at least a foot tall or taller but only as half as thick as a normal taper. I really love them. I am low on candles right now, since I usually make my own, so I am awful glad he surprised with some.

The feeling I get from the moon is energizing yet calming. It always makes me smile, and I feel sort of like a kid who knows she is outside alone, but Mom is just inside.
Its quite a nice view from my table here, outside the Moon shines over the apple orchard in the field next to us. Of course the inside view is pretty good too, it looks like a heap of sleeping hound dogs, and Rune who keeps watch. :)

U can only be one thing

2010-04-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of the letter U is unicorn, which leads me to a story.

When my kid were little and while growing up, I always told them they could be anything they wanted. That no matter what, if they really wanted it and worked hard they could do it. Well a few years passed and my daughter was grouching about not knowing if she would be good at basketball and if she should even try out. I offered up those words of wisdom, "you can be anything you want to be". At which point she turned around, put her hands on her hips and said "oh yeah? Well I want to be a Unicorn then!" We both had a good laugh. By the way she did try out, made the team and was one hell of a player. So see...I was right after all.

Tension Tamer

2010-04-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

Tension Tamer is the name of one of the teas I enjoy. It helps relieve stress, and is very relaxing. It also works on menstrual cramps, as does cinnamon tea. I love a good cup of coffee, with a flavored creamer, but I am a tea drinker. I enjoy just regular tea, and I drink a lot of green tea lately. One of my very favorites is blackberry tea, and its not always easy to find. Although I do believe Lipton actually carries one.

Tea is what I was given as a kid to make me feel better when I was sick,and to this day I firmly believe in teas healing abilities. It helps me when I need to create something, dont know why but if I get a big cup of tea it seems I can focus better. I have used cool tea bags on sunburns to releave the pain, and on puffy eyes to reduce swelling.

My daughter and I attend a "tea party" held once a year at a park, that was at one time a large estate. They open the big house and the herbal society group makes cookies and finger sandwiches along with different teas. I enjoyed lavender tea and a lemon tea before. They give you a china cup and saucer to take home as a keepsake. We each have 3 now, one of mine is painted with tiny violets, one is stawberries and one is old fashioned roses. We have tea, are entered into the door prize drawing and have a few cookies before we walk through the house and gardens.Its an absolutely beautiful home with gardens to match. I hope we can continue this tradition for many years to come.

tough choice on the S's

2010-04-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

today is S. It was a toss up on what to write about. I have a bloodhound and a basset, so "slobber" came to mind. But I didnt think that would make such a delightful read. lol Then the word "seed" came to mind. Seeds are amazing little things. Such little tiny things and inside is a whole plant! complete with veggies or blooms. Incredible.

But as I sat here wondering what I wanted to say, I sat here and listened. To the sounds. Outside the window I hear birds at the feeder, the chickens clucking to one another,and fussing over who is gonna get the nest first. The wind has started to pick up. (calling for rain)so both my bamboo and metal windchimes are ringing. I hear my dogs that are laying all over the floor next to me snoring. (sometimes they can put a chainsaw to shame)The soft whistle of my tea pot lets me know the water is hot, and the weird little ringy noise lets me know my daughter is texting me again.

I love listening to what goes on in my yard,my house,and my life. Everything from my kids laughing when they were little, to argueing with one another as they got older.
The sound of my husband finally getting the words "in gods holy ordanince" right at our wedding, when all through rehearsal he kept saying "in gourds holly oddinance". So many sounds bring back such wonderful memories, and so many sounds are making new memories for me now.

rain

2010-04-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

I love the rain, especially storms. Some find the rain depressing, but I think its Mother Natures way of saying slow down for today. Recharge a little. Nothing better than a good book, hot cup of tea and a pile of dogs to pass the afternoon. While listening to the rain is, to me, one of the best times to take a nap. The smell after a good storm is wonderful. Watching a good thunderstorm is always amazing, even though my big old bloodhound isnt too fond of them. I enjoy the rain, I look at it as a time to relax a little, maybe to focus on me for awhile. Let's face it we can all use a little more me time.

Quilts, quilts, quilts!!

2010-04-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

Quilt is my Q word. I LOVE quilts, I love making quilts, I love everything there is about them. The picking of a pattern, the choosing fabric (my very favorite thing!!), the cutting, the piecing, the quilting and the finished product. Like most quilters I have a LOT of works in progress. So many ideas and fabrics waiting for me to create something. I see a pattern and I need to make at least one test block, you know, to see how it goes together, do the fabrics blend with one another, that sort of thing. Well once you have one block made you cant very well just stop at that! So you make a few more, and pretty soon you have enough to make a quilt top. lol I have quilts in all stages of being done. From just the pieces, to a few blocks, to an entire top of blocks, to a top thats actually ready to quilt, to some that only need the binding. I have quilts from my mother in law, my husbands grandmothers, and many from antique stores or given to me. There is no blanket in the world that compares to a quilt. The time someone spent making it, the way it feels, and warmth it holds is totally all its own. I love the traditional patterns, but I am very partial to crazy quilts. The embroidery, charms, bead work, and symbolism you can find on them is amazing. The fabrics are "fancy" not just cottons. They are satins, velvets, brocaides, pieces of ribbons, and lace to name a few. These were made more for 'show' than for use. If you want to try quilting I highly recommend it, if you have quilts cherish them and enjoy them!

Patience my A$$

2010-04-21T06:15:00.000-07:00

Patience is a virtue. yeah whatever...I will be the first to admit I have very little patience with certain things. With my kids (for the most part hehehe), my animals or doing a project that is time consuming, I have the patience of a saint. I can work on a quilt with lots of pieces, working on jewelry that takes small beading, or something along those lines I have no problem. But with most people, or when I get an idea and want to act on it, I have none. I work for an orthodontic office and most people and patients are very nice and easy to work with. However there are a few who really try my patience. So I guess that means I have no patience with patients :) I am really bad when I get an idea of something I want to make or somewhere I "need" to go, I want to do it NOW. I really hate waiting. I really despise hearing "yeah we need to do that sometime"....argh!!! Set a date! set a time! how about now?!! I have gotten a little better with having patience, but not a lot. I really do try but apparently I dont have the patience for it :)

O opportunity

2010-04-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

Opportunity. Everyone loves a good opportunity,but we dont always act upon them, and no one likes a missed opportunity.Unfortunately we dont always know its a good opportunity until after we miss it. I have been told opportunity only knocks once, but I think sometimes it comes back and rattles the door. I firmly believe you should try to act on each opportunity that comes your way. Life is short, dont let them get by you. You never know what you can do until you try. Some opportunities are taken away from us before we even get the chance. I have had too many taken in my life, so I try not to let them get by me now. So if you get the opportunity to have fun, do something you always wanted to, or try something new, jump on it. Otherwise you will have to wait around until you hear the door rattle :)

Nightmares

2010-04-17T14:52:00.000-07:00

nightmares...the stuff movies are made of. While I hate having nightmares I find them fascinating. Most of my nightmares, especially as a kid, were of something trying to "get" me. Something or someone chasing me, and no matter how fast or far I ran, no matter how i tried to hide my trail or double back, they were always right behind me. Just an arms length of having me. The fear I felt when turning around to see how far away I had gotten, and find them right behind me, is usually what woke me up.

I have nightmares about my teeth falling out alot, and then I have such odd nightmares that I wake up and just think.."what the hell??" I have a couple books on dream meanings, and I finally found one on nightmares. I find the human mind and the way it functions,fascinating. The way the subconscious mind tries to fill you in on whats going on. All we need to do is just pay attention to what its showing us, and we could learn so much. As long as Freddie doesnt want to do the teaching. . .

M- Money

2010-04-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

Money. The whole world revolves around it and we think we need more and more of it. We are judged by how much we have, and what we spend. I personally hate it. I wish the world could go back to bartering. That we could trade favors, for what we needed. I am so tired of robbing Peter to pay Paul, just for the necessities. When I say necessities I dont mean the big screen tv, or the quad runner, or the newest appliances. I mean just basics, the utilities, up keep and payment on one car, feeding my family and animals, a house payment. My husband and I have been cutting back on things even before he was laid off, but even more so since. Its surprising, but I dont miss much of anything we got rid of. We dont have cable, hell the tv is only on maybe one day a month?? We just dont watch it. We cut down on so much and it really makes me aware of the power of the almighty dollar. I work over 40 hours a week to just get by. But there are couples who both work to keep their heads above water. Is it for reasons like mine? Or is it just so they can keep up with the neighbors? I asked someone once why he worked so many hours. (we worked together as assistant managers in retail) He said he did because he wanted to have a good life. I asked him when he was going to get to enjoy that life? Since working over 50to 60 hours a week didnt leave him much time for doing so now. I dont know, I just wish for a simpler time I guess. I just hate it that we all work at jobs that most of us hate, or at least arent what we wanted when we grew up, to try and keep our heads above water. We dont spend enough time together as families or friends, because most of our time is spent at work. HMmmm maybe its not money i dont like.. maybe its the whole having a job part?? lol I am all for progress, but sometimes i dont feel we have progressed in the right direction.

L is for luck

2010-04-14T16:07:00.000-07:00

If you would ask me If I was lucky, I would say no. But then I thought about it, and yes I am. I am healthy,I have two great kids, a wonderful husband, friends, and a good job. I have been through quite a bit through my life and have come out stronger for it. Even though my husband has been laid off, I have been able to keep my house and car. (keep the fingers crossed) I have a big garden and the knowledge of not only how to grow things, but also the ability to preserve it. Thats lucky right now for me with my finances as they are. There are so many people out there who dont have the option of doing half the things I can because of where they live. I am lucky to live where I do. I was once told luck was simply being prepared when an opportunity presents itself. Well I think if your prepared for an opportunity, that would be pretty lucky wouldnt it? :)

kissy kissy

2010-04-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

Kiss. There are many versions of this word. It could mean anything from a show of affection, to the rock group, to candy, to the acronim of Keep it simple stupid. The kinds of kisses are endless, there is a lovers kiss, a kiss goodbye, kiss hello, the kiss of death, cheek kisses, blowing a kiss, the big kiss off,a kiss to make it better,the dreaded great aunt/grandma kiss,there is kissing up and kissing ass. French kiss, butterfly kisses(which I never understood because butterflys dont have lips, but whatever, dog kisses,Kiss and tell, sloppy kisses and I am sure a million others. Not even gonna start a list of hershey kiss flavors!! Although the caramel ones are my favorite. :) ooh and white and chocolate swirly ones!!

the mystic fair

2010-04-12T18:04:00.000-07:00

i went to the mystic fair this weekend. They had all kinds of stones,crystals,incense,lotions, soaps and other gooodies. There were massages available, astrological horoscopes, palm readings, angel readings,aura readings and regular tarot readings. I got myself a tabular quartz crystal, my daughter a horoscope reading, and got my cards read. She also had her cards read and bought herself a pair of sodalight earings.

My reading was good,she used a rider waite deck and an animal deck, and as I read cards myself, I know they arent carved in stone but merely a suggestion of what could happen. She told me(readers digest version)that i would be starting something from the ground up, and since it was appearing on a work related card she thought maybe my company was expanding and it was something along those lines. But we arent, so thats not it. She said it could be something as simple as renovating a room, but she felt it was more work related. I have always wanted to own my own business, although I cant decide what it should be. A diner, an occult shop, an herb shop, or just an all round shop of stuff lol .She told me I would be prosperous, and this was a good year for me. Lots of celebrations. Which would be wonderful since my husband has been laid off for over a year now. She said I wouldnt want for anything, which i took to mean I would have all I needed. She asked if I put things away for later use or a rainy day, which is funny because we do stockpile quite a bit. She told me I had done alot in my life for which I didnt give myself enough credit for. She also said I had a gift from my ancestors that I wasnt using, and she seemed a little agravated at that. I have no idea what that is. I think its something I can do as opposed to something I own. There were other things that I cant think of now, but on the whole a good reading. At least it was positive things that I wanted to hear. lol
She seemed like a nice woman, and I didnt feel like she was just rambling things off.
But we'll see. I am most curious about the gift I have. I cant figure it out. She gave me a small candle and told me because of the card I drew, I should make a wish at new moon. That it happen for me. So I am going to personalize my candle and give it a shot. Trying to decide what the best thing to wish for is, aside from a job for the husband lol. I will give it some thought and see how it pans out. I will keep you posted.

Jacko'lantern

2010-04-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do at Halloween is to carve Jacko'lanterns. I love it. Sometimes I make them into faces, sometimes into pictures. I roast the seeds and if I have enough I make different flavors of them.
I prefer my jack'olanterns have scarey faces, no smiley cute ones. This past Halloween I did one with the image of the Oogie Boogie man from Nightmare before Christmas. I have just started scraping the orange layer off so that the pumpkin looks illuminated rather than cut out. Little more time consuming but I think it gives you more options. I grow my own pumpkins, last year my biggest was 30 pounds!! I love working with white pumpkins too. I saw where they now have pumpkins that have bumps all over it, that would make a good scarey face pumpkin. I am already get psyched for next Halloween!!

The I's have it

2010-04-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

"I" am a mother of 2
"I" am a wife
"I" am a sister, a daughter, an aunt,a cousin,and a niece
"I" am a friend
"I" love,hate,give,receive,tolerate,ignore,push,pull,and at times smile and nod
"I" am a Pagan
"I" like reading tarot cards,runes,working with stones and crystal,and learning abo
herbs.
"I" love music,dancing,laughing,eating and drinking
"I" love reading just about anything I can get my hands on
"I" am strong in my convictions
"I" garden and preserve it
"I" homestead
"I" love cheesecake,lobster,crablegs,and tator tots
"I" hate banannas and peas
"I" love learning
"I" cry,laugh,bitch and complain
"I" believe in helping
"I" believe I should stop this list now before it gets too much longer :)

Well there ya go, the "I"'s have it.

Halloween

2010-04-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

Today is H. H is for Halloween!! My favorite holiday ever!! I have always loved Halloween ever since I was a kid, way before I knew what paganism even was. It was the one night you could dress up like anyone or anything you wanted, and express a side of yourself that maybe you keep hidden. One magical night that ghosts appear, stories are told, candy is eaten, and parties are thrown. We had a huge Halloween party last year, the front yard became a cemetary complete with a skeleton grave digger. The house was a cross between a funeral parlor and a witches cottage. Zombies took over the bathroom and were coming out of cupboards and closets. To me everything just feels different on Halloween, there is a magic in the air. Your not surprised when you see or hear things you wouldnt normally, in fact you actually look for it. Its simply a wonderful night, during the best time of year.

G...Gargoyles

2010-04-08T12:04:00.000-07:00

I love gargoyles. Those big ugly monstrous creatures that look off of roof tops. Love them! The carving, the expressions, the way they hold on and look out over the edge. The were for protection, to keep evil away. I have gargoyles in my flower beds, although they dont keep evil away since my kids keep coming home ;) heheheee I have them stuck back in between plants so you dont see them at first then you notice something in there. I would love to have a large one perched over my door looking down on visitors. Old buildings fascinate me, especially ones with gargoyles. Anyone remember the cartoon, The Gargoyles??

fast food

2010-04-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

ok so I am still a day behind lol. yesterday was F and I am just getting to it today, I am also gonna try to catch up with G today too. Ok so I guess my F will be fast food. I have not eaten fast food in about 6 months. Not just for health reasons but for enviromental reasons as well. I am not a vegetarian, but I believe in humane enviroments for animals you intend on eating. I raise chickens and rabbits and they have warm houses, plenty of room to move, humane treatment and plenty food and water.
But the fast food industry (as well as others) feel this is unimportant. These animals are kept in inhumane conditions, shot full of antibiotics just to try and keep them healthy enough to butcher. If I dont believe in this, then me eating fast food just makes me a hypocrite plain and simple. I try very hard to either supply my own meat, or at least know where it came from and who raised it. Fast food is convenient yes, but lethal to your health. The amount of fat and calories not to mention preservatives and chemicals is unbelievable. The portions given are way beyond what is necessary to consume, yet most eat it all. I wish people would educate themselves on what they are eating,and where it comes from. We would all be better off...well maybe not the fast food industry. But I could live with that.

exercise

2010-04-07T04:45:00.000-07:00

ok I am a day behind again. Yesterday should have been my E post, so I am doing it today. Exercise is what came to mind when I thought of E. I have been losing weight for the past 9 months, and exercise is helping. But I have to tell you, I am not crazy about doing it. I am supposed to exercise for 150 minutes a week, per my doctor, to bring down my cholesterol. Which I did, for the first week. the second week...yeah not so much. I dont like exercising alone, and my daughter works longer hours than me so she cant. My husband goes walking with me, when we can. I have a stationary bike and rowing machine which I was using, but now it seems I can always think of something else I need to do first. I have hit a plateau and I know exercising more would help, but my motivation is lacking. I dont know why, but I just cant seem to get moving. Once I am up and doing it, I always end up doing more than I originally intended. Which is great, its just that initial get up and do it. So I guess I should put for the another E, Effort and get to it.

My boys

2010-04-05T15:01:00.000-07:00

Still doing the A to Z blog challenge. Today is D and is for Dogs. My boys :) I have 5 dogs, Copper a beagle, Austin a bloodhound, Ace a bordercollie mix, Jack a Shiba Inu mix, and Hank a basset hound. I love my boys to pieces, and they love me. They are with me anywhere I go in the house, its like a parade lol. I know my boys would lay their lives down for me, and I cant imagine life without them. I have had a few dogs in my lifetime, each one just as special as the others. All but two of my guys are rescues, Ace and Hank from abusive owners and Jack was dumped over at my sisters. I used to work with the Humane society and I have to tell you some of the things I saw were unbelievable. I am glad I have my guys now, they dont have to worry about being taken care of or loved.

Dogs love unconditionally, I have seen dogs come in to the shelter barely hanging on to life due to an abusive person, yet they wag their tale when someone comes near. Dogs can do so much for people, they can be seeing eye dogs, assistants to the handicapped, can sense when an epileptic seizure is going to happen, and sniff out cancer. Not to mention protect, sniff out drugs, bombs and people trapped under buildings. They are amazing animals and deserve much more respect than they are given.

None of my boys are trained to do any of that "important stuff". But they do an important job just the same. They love me, they protect my home and help keep the marshmellow population down. THey are big, lazy, unmannered boys and I wouldnt change them for anything.

Cooking

2010-04-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday should have been the day for the letter C, but I quite busy doing one of my favorite things. Cooking. Its also my topic for the letter C day. I absolutely love to cook. I enjoy putting things together, making recipes up as I go, and having them (luckily) be delicious. I adore cook books of all kinds, although I will admit, I rarely follow a recipe letter for letter. I enjoy serving people my food and watching them enjoy themselves. Of course I dont mind the compliments either :) I have started to make dinners for my husband Uncle, so he stops eating frozen TV dinners. ick. His sodium is too high and those things are loaded with it. So on the weekend I spend one day making a few main dishes and dividing them up into individual dinners for him. This way he has the convenience of a frozen dinner, without all the sodium and preservatives.

I like it when people come to me for cooking advice, or suggestions. I enjoy sharing what I know and learning a few new things in exchange. It seemed to me as I was growing up, that the kitchen was the heart of the home. All of us girls would come over to moms on a sunday and she would be making a big dinner for everyone. We would all sit in the dining room that came off the kitchen so we could talk together and help. In my home now, its the same way. My kitchen and dining room are connected, so usually guest make themselves at home at my table and we talk while I finish dinner.

I love chopping, peeling, and prep work too. Its sort of almost like a meditation time for me. Its sort of mindless work where I can let my mind wander and think things through. The more people I have to feed the better. I keep telling everyone I wish I had a soup kitchen, that way I could have people to feed and help others.

I really like baking of all kinds too, I make cookies, breads, and pasteries. I cant think of a better spot in my house than in my kitchen. I dont want to sit in front of the tv. I dont want to lay in the tub for hours, but let me start cooking and I lose track of time. I lose myself in what I am doing and I dont have to think of the bills, or work, or any other worries. Right now as I am typing this, its Ostara/Easter. I have a turkey in the oven, a ham in the crock pot, and I am about to go peel potatos to cook, and then finish the deviled eggs. We are also having green beans, corn, homemade whole wheat rolls, stuffing and gravy. For desert is strawberry shortcake. It will just be the four of us, so the kids will have plenty to take home and some will go to my husbands uncle.

The way I look at it...if you leave my house hungry... its your own damn fault. :)

B is for Bellydancing

2010-04-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

bellydancing has been one of the most wonderful things I have ever done. From the first moment I watched a performance I was hooked. All these women of different shapes and ages, dancing together and looking wonderful doing it. It didnt matter how big or small you were, these women were proud of themselves and were enjoying what they were doing. I was nervous about going, figuring everyone would be a little tiny skinny thing and I would look like I should be dancing in Swine Lake. But I was wrong. There were some smaller women, some skinny, but most were of average size or larger. I wasnt the odd ball!! I have taken these classes for about 8 months now, and actually danced at my company's christmas party. I have also lost 56 pounds. The belly dancing is actually what started me on the healthier lifestyle path. When I started to lose, my knees didnt ache so bad. I felt better, not just physically but about myself. So I started to work harder at it. I danced just about everynight for an hour, and changed the way I ate. Gave up fast food, pop, processed food, and junk. I eat healthier foods, no red meat, and try for a lot of fruits and veggies, and whole grains.

One of my goals is to be able to wear a bellydancing outfit that shows my belly. One of the ones with a skirt and a top with lots of beads and sequins. I dont know exactly where I will wear it, but I would love to have it. I also hope to dance in public again. I just turned 45, and I had a tattoo of a bellydancing witch put on my calf. These represent the two things that have changed my life for the better. That have really had an effect on me. (already have one that represents my kids and husband) I drew her myself and I feel she represents me. I love bellydancing and highly recommend it to everyone. Has anyone ever thought about trying bellydancing? Do you do it now?

A is for Attitude...

2010-04-01T16:33:00.000-07:00

ok, while reading some blogs I found one that was putting out a challenge for other bloggers. Over at tossingitout.blogspot.com the challenge is to blog everyday but sunday, and to use each letter of the alphabet. So today would be A, so you pick something that starts with A and write about it. I thought about it for awhile, not sure if I wanted to try this or not. I like blogging, but sometimes I feel like what I write about is pointless or uninteresting. So...I thought well, what the hell,I will try it. So my word is Attitude.

I have been told on numerous occasions that I have an attitude. From a bad one, to a good one, to an arrogant one and more. Do I have an attitude?? yes. Oh yes I very much do.I am a wise ass, but my attitude isnt due to arrogance, and I dont think I am "better" than anyone else. My attitude comes, in part, from a need to protect myself. If I give off the air of confidence, of being self assured, no one will know how much I doubt myself. How, down deep, I am afraid. I give off the air of being self sufficient, that I dont need anyone. Its a defense mechanism really. I dont let you get close, you cant hurt me, or disappoint me. My sarcasm hides feelings, and insecurities.

As I get older, I realize this isnt the only reason for the attitude I have. My sarcasm isnt just for defense, its part of my personality. Part of my sense of humor. I love my sarcasm. I have also realized that my attitude of not needing anyone comes from more than fear. I have realized (long ago actually) that the only person you can count on, I mean really count on, is yourself. You need to learn to do for yourself. Only you can make you happy. I have learned due to a divorce, that I am capable of amazing things, all on my own. So my pretend confidence has become in a sense true confidence. Attitudes are not always a bad thing to have. I am a strong woman, with a strong sense of sarcastic humor. Its me. As I have searched my way through life I come to realize my attitude has saved my ass on many occasions. I like my attitude.

An attitude can help you get your point across, sometimes without saying a word. A simple look is all it takes. An air of confidence, but not being pompous, is a very good thing to have I believe. So if someone tells you that you have an attitude, you simple say " You're damn skippy I do!"

How to incorporate it in?

2010-03-15T07:43:00.001-07:00

There are times I feel like I am Pagan in name only. I read alot and try to learn as much as possible, but I dont really put anything into "action" so to speak. Occasionally I light candles, I try to work with my tarot cards,and I always change my alter for the seasons. But that seems to be it. I read other blogs about how people pull their paganism into everyday things, their lives seem to be more incorporated with it. I dont feel mine is, and I am not sure how to exactly go about it. Of course I hear the "you need to make time for..." but honestly, time is not something I have a lot of. I work over 40 hours a week,so by the time I get home from work, my time is limited. I have to make time to work out, eat dinner, and what ever household things need done. Weekends to me seem to be playing catch up, or my husband has plans for us to go somewhere. I would take a few vacation days, but I know I wouldnt just relax and do what I "wanted". I would do what "needed" done first and try to squeeze in the me time. Its very frustrating. I havent made candles in so long, and I need to, I have had to buy them the past few times I needed them and I really would rather make my own. I want to make jewelry, and finish a quilt and start 100 others, I want to read, meditate, lay in a tub and drink wine. I want to learn more on my tarot cards, my pendulum, my crystals, and runes. (man who knew this was gonna turn into bitch fest 2010 huh??!) A friend is setting up a website to sell some of the things he creates, and wants me to join in. With my clay creations and what not. I would LOVE to, but how and when?? I would absolutely give my eye teeth to stay home again, and work from there. But its not financially feasible. My husband is still layed off, (over a year now) and we are hanging on by a lick and a promise. I wish I knew where to even begin in bringing paganism more into my everyday life. Tonight I am changing over the alter to spring/Ostara. I would like to have the kids and some friends over for an Ostara dinner, but with their work schedules I dont know if its possible. We may have to celebrate it on Easter, since they have that off. I am really itching to spring clean and then cleanse the house. It just feels stagnant to me. Too much stress and worry I think, its all stuck there. But again, there's that time issue. There must be a way I can schedule my time to get more done? Others do it, right? hmmmmmm.... Something to look into. Well sorry to ramble on on such a tangent, not really the direction I meant for it to go lol. But thanks for listening :)

as always,
Blessings from Rune and I

just a little catch up

2010-02-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

Man I turn my back for a minute and time just gets away from me. Let me back up a little. I celebrated Imbolc at home with my husband, he isnt pagan but he is supportive and leaning towards it. He needs to find his way in his own time, so I dont push. Anyway, I got a branch, well more like a two foot twig, and I brought it in and put it in a flower pot filled with dirt just so it would stand up. I put Lavender and yarrow in the base for protection and health.Then I took different colored ribbons, each color symbolizing something to me that I wanted in the up coming year, and tied little bows on it. Such as, Red for love and strength, green for prosperity and health, brown for stability (and not losing my house), Gold for sun magic and protection, silver for moon magic and psychic learning, yellow for happiness, light blue for peace. I lit a white candle and said three times "ribbons of colors bright, bring my wishes to the light." Then went out and poured an offering of milk onto the ground. I read about this on another blog, and I really just loved it. The branch/twig will stay in my house until spring when it will go outside to be "planted" and then burned as an offering on Lughnasdah in thanks. I really like it!! Its up on a shelf so Rune doesnt bother it (Hopefully). She has already knocked over a large aloe plant I had and smashed it on the table. She assured me there was good reason for it, but I'm not buying it. She acted very offended and put off when I scolded her for it, seems to think she is a Diva, and never misses a chance to let me know that. lol

I bought myself a new book on spell casting as a well earned "prize" for losing two more pounds and hitting the 50 pounds lost mark! yay me!! only 25 more to go. It's been about 8 months coming off, so thats pretty good I think, considering its been 44 putting it on lol. I have so many books that I have started, or want to start, it's insane! Yet I always have a list of others I "need" really bad. There are so many things I want to learn about, and then of course there is just the fun reading of fiction. I absolutely adore books. My husband enjoys reading as well, but has a habit of rolling the front cover of his paper backs, back behind the book. I cringe everytime I see him do it. lol I tell him books should never be handled like that, and he smiles and nods while he continues to hold it like that and keeps reading. Argh!!

Still working with my Tarot, I really love it. Although those Court cards still bug me, and I have come to realize its not so much the kings and queens as those knights and especially the pages. Weird huh?? Anyone else have the same issues with court cards? But I keep working with them and reading, I am bound to figure it out sooner or later lol

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

belly dance show

2010-01-25T09:41:00.000-08:00

I have to tell you the belly dance show I attended this past saturday was amazing! I am inspired all over again. The costumes were so beautiful and the dancers were amazing. I am in awe of these women. All different shapes and sizes, and each one comfortable enough with themselves to be on stage in those outfits dancing for everyone see. I love it. I think that's part of the reason I love belly dancing, you dont need to be a stick to do it well. All of them dancing together and no one trying to show up the other. It is truly a beautiful dance to watch, and really fun to do. But let me tell you, its not easy. Its not just get up there and shake your butt or wiggle around. Your "core" muscles have to be stong, you need endurance, balance, a little rhythm would help too lol. After my class I am sweaty, tired and sore, just like doing an hour of aerobics.

The costumes were amazing! Such colors and sequins, and fringe. Beautiful. They all looked wonderful. I cant wait until I get one of my own. I do have the outfit I wore when I danced at the christmas party. But its nothing like theirs were.(But I still love it)They are quite expensive though, so it wont be any time in the near future. Something I save for. Maybe once I lose these last 27 pounds I can start looking. We'll see :) I do know that once I am to the point where you dont have to lift up anything to find my belly button, I am getting it pierced! If I can finally find it again, your damn straight I am marking it!! lol

Other than the show the weekend was pretty quiet. Had friends over for dinner on sunday, got my nails done saturday morning,played on the Wii fit. Thats about it. It was nice. No demands, no place I had to be. So until next time,

As always blessings from Rune and I

Tarot and crystals

2010-01-21T12:01:00.000-08:00

I have been working with my Tarot cards as much as I can lately. Each day i pickone or two and in my notebook write what I think they mean. What feelings I get from them. Then I look in the book and see how it coincides. Now I realize that book definition is just a guide line, but I still like to see how the two compare. I still have trouble decifering the court cards. Kings, Queens, Knights and Pages all kinda make me draw a blank. Maybe I should specifically start with those and look at each one until I can get a feel for them. I dont know why they give me such trouble.

Also watched a short video on using crystals while doing a reading. THink I would like to research that a little more too. I love crystals and stones, so incorporating the two would be great. Has anyone else done much with stones? or incorporated the two? I am really trying to stay after myself and study with my cards at least 3 times a week if not more, and I am feeling pretty good about it.

I lost another 3 pounds, I am at 177 when i hit 175 that will be a total of 50 pounds lost. That seems so crazy to me! I think as a reward i may try to find a nice size quartz crystal, but I am not sure. I have several reward ideas lol. That would leave me with 25 pounds left to lose to hit a healthy weight for me. My goal is to do it by my birthday which is in march, but I dont know. I will be happy with what ever I lose until my birthday!

THere is a belly dance show I am going to on Saturday, proceeds go to a local childrens hospital, I cant wait. Its not my dance studio but i have seen the owner of this one dance before and she is really good. So I am pumped.

Until next time as always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Yule

2009-12-26T14:30:00.000-08:00

wow, over a month since i have written. Things have been so busy here over the holidays. I am the charity/donations director at work. Which basically means i find the charities we donate to, and make sure everything gets to them. This year we adopted 4 low income families. One was a grandma who had custody of her grandkids, two were families with both parents, and one was a single father whose wife had passed away. We were able to give all of them a nice christmas. There was a new outfit for everyone, and toys for the little ones, video games for the older ones, something for the adults and some sweets as well. Having been on that side of the fence (technically i still am, i just dont have little ones anymore) it was nice to give back. I know that it took alot off the parents minds knowing the kids would have a christmas.
I also danced at my office christmas party!! it was great! I was so worried i would forget a step or just freeze, but i didnt. Everyone loved it and congratulated me on the dance and the weight loss. i dont think i have been hugged or told "I love you" so much in one day before lol. It was really an accomplishment for me. Six months ago i would have never done it. But now I have some confidence back and I stepped up to the challenge and did it!!! and did it very well if i do say so myself!!

Yule was quiet for me, the kids both worked so i lit my yule log candles and put my yule sun ornament on the tree (we each have our own. You decide on something you would like to"bring to light" in the coming year when you hang it.)We celebrate christmas with the rest of the family and everyone played well together and all was good. I baked non stop all month, for goodie baskets i send out as gifts. My husband eats them as fast as I bake, or my daughter stops over and takes "just a few" to work with her and passes it off like she made them lol.
I decided that i wanted to bring my spiritual studying and growth to light this year. It seems to get pushed aside and neglected. My intentions are good, but follow through not so much. So I am going to have to physically set a time a side for this. i know the rest of my life will be better if I do. Prioritizing and making time for me is not something I am good at. Not to mention there just doesnt seem to be enough hours in the day. But where there is a will there is a way.
Been reading up on what to put into your Book of Shadows. I have one that i have a few things in, but it too got put on hold. I dont suppose there is a right or wrong way to do your book, after all it is YOUR book. So i guess I will start again. Rededicate it and actually work on it. I also got a book on different tarot spreads, that is another thing i want to work on.
Well I hope everyone had a wonderful Yule and christmas. Hope you didnt burn out on too many cookies...if you can actually do that???? hmmm...i think i will go get one now!

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Getting my space back

2009-11-17T09:30:00.000-08:00

Well I didnt get to view the big meteor show that was to happen last night due to cloud cover. I was disappointed. Meteor showers are amazing. But, there will be others in my lifetime to see.

The Halloween Party was a big hit!! We had 40 people show! Lots of food and costumes,had a bonfire and really had fun. I cant wait to do it again next year. lol

Now I am gearing towards the Holidays. Have everything for Thanksgiving dinner, will start baking pies the day before. Any sooner and they wont make it to Thanksgiving lol. I wanted to get a free range turkey for dinner, but the cheapest i found was 2.59 a pound! thats 50 bucks a bird!! With my husband still laid off, I just cant. So it was a 20 pound grocery store bird for 8.30, I can do that. A friend of ours raises his own pigs and cattle, and he was taking the pigs to be processed. So he gave us everything that was still in his freezer! I have 3 hams, lots of sausage, italian sausage, ribs, and some chops! I was very thankful to get all that. Then my husband helped a friend butcher his chickens and ducks, and we got a duck for the freezer too.

I have bought a few christmas/yule gifts already. Just a couple here and there as the money allows, but at least I feel like I have started. (Would tell you what I bought- but my daughter reads this blog!! lol) We will put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving. I usually buy new Yule ornaments each year too, but the tree is pretty full. So last years may do an encore performance. I am not looking forward to Rune meeting the tree. We have a wooden picket fence that goes around the tree to keep the dogs out, but she will be a whole different story. lol She really does seem to think we are all here for her comfort and or amusement.

I have finally gotten my office back at home,thats where my alter is and all my books and things. It was full of Halloween supplies and what not.I am so glad its cleaned now. I have been trying to get my Tarot cards out and work with them more. I also like working with my pendulum. I've almost finished a hand embroidered pendulum cloth. It has the alphabet all the way around, then a row of numbers, then the yes and no. I also made a small pocket in the center to hold the pendulum. The whole thing rolls up and is small enough to go into a purse or be hidden away. My daughter wants one and so does a friend at work. Hoping to get in my room and do some meditating on things as well. There's a lot that's been on my mind lately.

So I guess that's all for now. Hope you all have a wonderful day/night depending on when your reading :)

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Taking stock

2009-10-19T10:37:00.001-07:00

We are half way into October already, where does the time go? We are still readying the house for the Halloween Party, there seems to be a new monster-zombie-creature in my house everyday lol. I will have to post pictures soon.

Facing the winter months I wonder about how I will deal with things. The cold,(I have arthritis in my spine and knees. Not severe, but enough to ache and hurt),the ice and snow, the higher bills, Yule/Christmas, birthdays,my husband still being unemployed,you know, the usual crap everyone deals with. Winter months are supposed to be when things slow down, at least in my opinion, and you can relax a little.But some how it doesn't usually happen that way. Well I am not going to let myself get stressed over the Holidays, it's pointless and takes up way to much of my energy. My kids are grown and understand financial problems, since they both have them as well. So spending is going to be minimal. They may get their freezer stocked as a gift! I could do a lot of frozen meals for them, that way i wouldnt worry that they are eating decently lol. I usually make goodie baskets for family members,and since I love to bake and cook, this is all ok with me.

This time of year I try to take a look back and see the good and the bad, and learn from both. I am trying to rid myself of ridiculous insecurities, and self doubts. So many are unfounded, yet I let them stop me from doing things. Life is too short for that, and I dont want to look back at a lot of "I wish I would have's" or "I should have's".

One of the good things this past year is finding belly dancing, and having enough guts to try it. It made me realize I am beautiful, heavy or not. It made me feel good about me, and it's been quite awhile since I have felt that way. I also decided I didnt want my bad knees to stop me from doing things I love. It was very hard for me to walk, my knee cap on one knee wants to slide off to the side and the other one has very minimal caritlidge left under it, so it grinds some. So dancing not only helped strengthen the muscles that hold my knee cap in place, but also helped me lose 40 pounds! That takes an incredible amount of impact and pressure off the knees. I am walking further and better and with minimal pain now. I took charge of one aspect of my life, my eating, and decided enough was enough and stopped hiding behind the food. I feel much better! I am by no means a wonderful dancer, but I love it and I like to think that it shows when I dance.

I guess this "taking stock" of what you have is a good thing. It gives you the opportunity to re-organize and prioritize. Yet another reason I love the fall. I get a little bit of a breather between busy summer garden season and before the Holidays sneak up on me. Time to look inwards and focus on yourself for a little bit. I am sure most of us are so busy giving and doing for others we dont take the time for us, or feel just a little guilty when we do. Well I am giving permission!!!! Get a cup of something wonderful and go do something for yourself. Or better yet, maybe do nothing at all :) And if anyone gives you grief about it, tell them Lisa and Rune said you could. (believe me Rune is the queen of doing nothing, and its always all about her!!! lol )

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Halloween is coming

2009-10-03T14:51:00.000-07:00

Things have been so busy here,with the garden coming in and canning, my dance class and getting ready for the Halloween party, I feel like I am chasing my tail!! But I dont care, its my favorite month. Now dont get me wrong I love Yule and thanksgiving, but Halloween is something altogether different. To me its almost like you can feel the magic. Just go outside and be still, open yourself up, you will see what I mean.

Everything takes on a different cast. Shadows become deeper, cats become more sly, and sounds that you have heard before now become eerie. Bright orange pumpkins light up my front porch with their scary yet protective faces. My office at work now hangs with skeletons, monsters, and spiderwebs and everyone enjoys it. Tombstones and zombies occupy my front yard, along with light up skull heads, and I get compliments on it!! Everyone hopes to see ghosts and spirits,and be scared by monsters.
Halloween is the one time of the year grown-ups can play dress up. You can let that hidden part of your personality out. Your fantasy of being just a little more risque, tough, magical, or whatever can happen. I see this as another type of magic of Halloween.

I take my great grandmother a lit pumpkin on Halloween, to let her know I miss her. She may not have called herself a witch, but she had magic in her, She was an amazing woman. I also leave a plate of supper out on Halloween, so who ever might be around knows they are welcome.

This year we are having a big party, and we are decorating the whole house, and yard even more! I am excited to try out new recipes on my guests and dress up to be someone else for the night. :) I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween, and enjoy the dark!!

As Always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Just a quick note

2009-09-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let you know there is a SWEET! give away over at Theplayoflightandshadow.blogspot.com You should all go check it out, but dont enter, because I want to win it :o) (less competition you know) teehee. Good Luck to all who enter!!

From Rune and I

Happy Mabon

2009-09-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Mabon! We actually celebrated Mabon over the weekend by going to a Mabon festival and then having friends over for dinner and a bonfire. The festival is not a big one, but very nice anyway. There were crafters, readers, food, and an area where the kids could make crafty things and participate in a pinata "beating". lol They had a magician, singers, and belly dancers. Everyone is always more than friendly, (except this one woman who was selling jewelry and was rather cranky,nothing seemed to please her,but you'll have that)They also had Highland Games, although we didnt see them or the fire spinners that were there as it got dark.

After the festival we ran home and started preparing for our friends. We made stuffed baked potato soup outside in my cast iron dutch oven over the fire. This was the first time I had ever made it and it was wonderful if I do say so myself!! I also made homemade honey wheat mabon dinner rolls, and oatmeal scotchies and hot chocolate for after dinner. Everyone enjoyed the soup and I sent home extra rolls with one couple and cookies with another friend. Its nice that these friends will come and enjoy a meal and celebrate with me, even though they arent pagan. It means a lot to me. It was a wonderful night for a fire, cool but not too cold. In fact you really didnt notice the cold unless you got up from the fire. The hot chocolate would have been better with a melty marshmallow in it, but i didnt have any. So I "settled" for dipping butterscotch cookies in it lol. We all discussed plans for the up coming halloween party, and costume ideas. Towards the end of the evening I went to the garden and pulled a corn stalk for the fire. My way of offering a thankyou for our harvest.

Sunday was spent with my family for my nieces 18th birthday. I cant believe she is that old already! lol My sister has told me that my niece is uncomfortable in certain rooms of the house. I asked her about this and she told me it was only with older homes, it was like she could feel something still there and it creeped her out.(her house is an older home) I gave her a sage stick and told her how to cleanse the rooms she wasnt comfortable in. I also gave her some stones I had picked out for her,fancy jasper, brown tigers eye, and snowflake obsidian. To help her stay grounded, and stay strong and focused. (She is a senior this year and looking to get into college) She loved them!! I also got her a bracelet from the festival, that she wore all day. I am very happy that she and my sister(her Mom)are open minded enough to try new things, and actually take this seriously. My other sister on the other hand, thinks its all a joke and I only do this for attention. Gotta love family. So I waited until my niece and I were alone and I explained everything to her and she really loved it.

So tonight will be a simple candle lighting and a thank you sent out for all that I am thankful for. Hope you all have many things to be thankful for!!

As Always,

Blessings from Rune and I

crafty give away and Halloween!!

2009-09-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

Ok I found this over at a blog called I am not a Wiccan, and I couldnt resist.
The first 5 people to respond to this blog will get something made by me, especially for you!u

This does come with some restrictions and limitations:
1.I make no guarantee that you will like what I make, But I am pretty sure you will.

2.What I create will be just for you

3. I am told I have a year to send it, but I promise it will be much sooner.

4. You have no clue what it will be! Right now its a surprise for both of us :)

The catch?? You must re-post this on your blog and offer the same thing to the first 5 people who respond to your blog.

I know there are a lot of talented people out there!! So lets keep this going!!

Also check out hauntedswampdesigns.blogspot for another cool give a way. An adorable halloween box! No respectable halloween loving home should be without!!

So many Halloween ideas running through my head!! If only I could take a weeks vacation and just sit and create all day!!!! what a little slice of heaven that would be. I do have a 3 day weekend coming up...so...maybe I can manage some creating then.

We are planning a Halloween party this year. For the past two years, friends of ours have hosted it and done an AMAZING job of decorating. So of course in true friendship manner, I must of course out do them lol :) The plan (at least so far) is to turn my kitchen/dining room into the inside of an old witches cottage. Everything will come off the walls and I am thinking of finding old sheer curtains and dying them black, then draping them along the walls for a dark sort of textured look. I have glass bottles and jars to fill and my cauldron will contain dry ice. Lots of other ideas are floating around on this one. Next will be the living room. It will be either a funeral home or a morgue, we havent decided. One of the bedrooms will be turned into either a scene from the movie Saw or a torture chamber. The bathroom will have a dead body in the tub and a zombie crawling in the window. I have a shower curtain that is motion activated and plays the psycho shower scene soundtrack. The front yard will be a graveyard complete with flying ghosts. These are just the first ideas we are tossing around. Anyone have others they want to add??

The boys will have to go downstairs while guests are here. They are too good at counter surfing and too protective of me. So rather than risk anything being eaten, broken or bitten, they will have the downstairs den to lay around in. I am not sure about Rune yet. I am sure she will be fine, but I also dont want someone accidentally letting her outside or stepping on her. She doesnt like being away from the boys, when they go outside she sits in the window and watches them. So she may want to go down there with them. Even though she is bossy and mean to them, she loves her big brothers.

I am hoping to make dream circles with my daughter on friday during full moon, we can never seem to get schedules to agree. If she cant do it then husband and I will probably have a nice fire and sit around eating melty marshmellows :) either way i win!!! I am continueing to practice my belly dancing, and have also started to sort of start looking for an inexpensive outfit. Which may be easier said than done. But I am searching. I want something inexpensive, yet i dont want the beads to just fly off and put someones eye out either lol!

Rune was sitting in my lap critiqueing what I typed but has since turned her attention to the bugs flying against the window. She has become the expert bug hunter. She has also become an expert thief. I have found ponytail scrunchies, earrings, bracelets, socks, plastic shopping bags and many other odd ball items in places they shouldnt be. I know it isnt my boys because they would have eaten these things not hid them. So unless my husband has picked up some odd ball new habit, it's her. She is back in my lap and must have read what i wrote because she just looked up at me, yawned and jumped down. Apparently she isnt amused.

Well I am off to finish a few things and get to bed. Seems i just cant get enough sleep lately. Hope you all have a good one!

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Taking the bike for a ride...or a dance!

2009-08-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

There is so much running through my head lately, its seems like I cant keep a thought together. It seems like I have things to say but dont know how to get them out. Its very frustrating!!

Well let me start off by telling you Grimvisions is having a sweet giveaway. A way cool skull book light. I really think i should have that, so keep your fingers crossed for me. But go check it out he does some nice work. OK OK i guess you can enter for it too!!!

The purple bicycle thing was from another blog i found called Cluttertoshine.blogspot.com, it basically symbolizes stepping out of that comfort zone. Taking a chance on something or even on yourself.

To be brave enough and wise enough to take those steps forward on your journey, to lose the limitations. Really check out her blog, she says it so much better than I am right now. lol

So I have started myself on a purple bicycle moment. I already take belly dance classes, and truth be known, I want to BE a belly dancer. I want to be center stage and share the dance with others. But ....what if I mess up? what if I look awful out there? what if people laugh? This is just some of the crap running through my head. I am my own worst critic. So I decided to set a goal for myself and take maybe not a jump into the deep end, but a good wade in anyway :) I have decided to dance at my place of businesses christmas party. I am not telling anyone but the lady who sets it up, so it will be a total surprise. (and lets face it -if I dont tell, I can still slip out of it)It's not a large crowd, maybe 20 people, and we all get along (as much as women can all together-meow!) So I figure its a relatively safe beginning. But a beginning none the less. I am no where near good enough to actually start dancing out in the real world yet. But I am good enough to pull off a 2 and half minute dance in front of co-workers. Am I scared? oh hell yeah. I am hoping I dont freeze. But my main concern is looking like a fool. I have lost 18 pounds since I started dancing almost 2 months ago, but I am still a big girl. Will I look like I am doing a rendition of "Swine Lake"? (get it...swan lake---swine lake? well i thought it was funny) Am I as good as I think I am? or am I kidding myself. In case you havent noticed my self confidence is almost non-existant. But I am working on that. I guess the answer to most of this is practice -practice- practice. I have the music picked out I just need to do the choreography. Have I ever choreographed before? Well i did explain to a bunch of kindergarten kids how to do the hokey-pokey once, years ago. I am pretty sure that counts. :) I always say, if your gonna do it, do it big. So thats what I am doing. I am taking the purple bike for a ride, and I sure hope I get to where I want to go.

feeling safe??

2009-08-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

I have been asked what makes me feel safe, and I absolutely drew a blank. As a kid the barn was a safe place. My dad drank heavily and Mom was a maintenance drinker. My siblings are all much older than me, so I was sort of on my own. I had a pony who was the whole world to me and I would stay out in the barn with her. None of the rest of my family was into animals like I am, so I knew they wouldnt be out there. The smell of hay and horses always makes me feel better. But now since I dont have a barn or a horse of my own anymore, I honestly dont know what makes me feel safe. Or even if I ever feel safe at all. I guess it depends on your definition of safe. There are things that make me feel more centered, or more comfortable, but safe to me means no worries, everything is ok, your protected and I dont feel that way. No matter where I am there are always concerns and things on my mind. I guess if anything the bellydancing I am doing, takes my mind elsewhere and gives me some distraction. I am so busy watching and trying to copy the moves my mind cant really wander to the negative. The music fills my head and I am so into what I am doing nothing else matters. So I guess you could call that at peace but i dont know if I would call it safe.

bellydancing and finding time

2009-08-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

Mrs. B over at Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom has yet another way cool give a way. It's a library tote, that was made by tarabu arts,(another great site with way cool stuff that i need lol)
Check out the tote and check out tarabu arts as well as Mrs. B's site, you wont be sorry!!

I am still taking my belly dance classes, and loving them. My daughter has started to go with me and its nice when we get to spend time together. Between her work schedule and mine we mainly just text or call. So I especially enjoy anytime we get together. I made both of us belly dancing hip scarves to wear, hers is white with fringe and mine is black with fringe. They really shake when you shimmy!! lol Even the instructor complimented on them. Well today a friend at work surprised me with a hip scarf that has jingly coins all over it!! Now I can make noise too lol! I really love the classes, its time away for me, and I can work off some stress. With my husband layed off now for 6 months, believe me there is a lot of stress to work off. I have also lost about 15 pounds in 3 months too! I have trouble with my knees, so the less weight they have to carry the better, and honestly, I just want to feel better about myself. Sometimes I get so down on my self, I dont feel I am giving enough time to being Pagan, or studying the 100 different things I want to learn. There is housework, the garden, canning & freezing, my flower beds...I can't even see my offering stone for the grass around it. Last night I made an offering on the front porch steps instead. I am trying to find ways to bring in the extra money we need so badly, and the list goes on. So the dancing is somewhat of a release for me.

Not having time for learning and practicing my paganism really bothers me. It's very important to me and I cant seem to squeeze in the time it deserves. I dont want to be one of those who say they are pagan but never practice it, never bother to keep learning and growing. I am trying to find ways to bring it into everyday aspects of my life. I keep telling myself just do things little by little, it will all fit together in the end. Since I have the patience of a piss ant, its a hard thing to follow.lol But I believe in the saying "where there's a will, there's a way" and sooner or later, I will find it!!

Rune is growing and still evil lol. Well only to the dogs, she made my basset hound cry when she jumped out at him and bit his ear. Since we are bringing so many veggies in now she has developed into a cleptomaniac. If you dont watch her, she steals them off the table. Green beans, onions, corn husks if she can get one, berries...its all fair game. Either she has become a thief or the dogs are having her sneak snacks for them lol! She also sleeps in the bedroom with us now. But if she feels you need to pay attention to her and your sleeping, she sticks her nose in your ear and purrs loud. It sounds like a diesel engine lol.

Well since I am writing this from work, I suppose I should actually go do some :)

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Frustrations of being a Pagan/Witch

2009-08-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

Mrs. B over at confessions of a pagan soccer mom, has blog prompts every here and again. This one asks what frustrates you most about being pagan. (dont quote me word for word, but that was the jist of it). I read other responses to this question and it seems we are all frustrated by the same thing, the lack of acceptance.

It annoys me that we use the term "out" to express who knows and who doesnt. Why does it have to hidden? Why must I keep it a secret? And when you tell someone, why is it such a big deal? When you're baptized are you outing yourself as a baptist? In my last post I mentioned how I keep the pentagram I wear inside my shirt at work. I do it because I dont want to cause hassles for the guys I work for. This is all because of the lack of acceptance. Maybe I am narrowing it down too much, I also feel its the lack of knowledge,& the narrow minded mind set. People have had misconceptions, untruths, and out right lies fed to them from the very begining of their lives in regards to witches and pagans. If you ask someone why being a pagan or witch is bad they will tell you something that contains one or more of the following. a)we will steal your children and do evil things to them and try to convert them (apparently we get a toaster oven if we get enough recruits) b)we sacrifice animals and are a cult or c)we dance naked and have obscene orgies while worshipping satan. I personally have never done any of these...ok maybe the dance naked part, but there was a lot of tequilla involved and really dont think it counts here.

The other gripe I have follows along with this one. When you try to explain to these people what paganism is, or about being a witch you usually get one of two responses. Either your ridiculed and made fun of "oh your a witch? wheres your broom? ooooh dont turn me into a frog!!" or you get the closed mind. No matter how you present yourself or paganism, its wrong and evil and you will burn in hell.

I myself enjoy learning of others beliefs and traditions. I dont care if you want to worship and pray to shower curtain hooks, so why cant I get the same in return? You dont have to understand what I do or believe, just know that its right for me. Just know its a legitimate "religion" if you will, know that it makes me happy and I find peace in it. We are all headed to the same place, we just take different paths.

Maybe its time I show the pentagram. Maybe if I can help educate just one person, then its a step out of the broom closet for all of us. And maybe, just maybe...I can find another like me.

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Tattoos and the power of understanding

2009-08-09T07:39:00.000-07:00

First off let me tell you all of a give away by Mrs. B over at confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom. She found a really cool book at Wild Magic Website. It is a beautiful, very well done and informative book. I am looking at some of the pictures in regards to using them as quilt pieces or other craft ideas. It really is nice, and if you go to Mrs. B website she is offering up 2 of them. Worth checking out!!

Now on to other things. I thought I would post a picture of my tattoo. I got it when I turned 40, sort of a midlife crisis type thing since I couldnt afford a sports car. I designed it myself and it represents a lot to me.

The two dragons represent each one of my kids, the symbol in the center represents something between my husband and I and the pentagram is for me, its all intwined with the celtic never ending love knot. It's on the small of my back (yes i have a tramp stamp!! lol) Its quite large, although I didnt originally intend it to be that big. But I figure if your going to to do something, do it big!! The funny thing is, I never wanted a tattoo. Was never that interested in them, and could never think of something I wanted forever on my body. Until that unexplainable reaction I had to turning 40 lol. I love my tattoo now, and I am honestly thinking of another, although much smaller. I was thinking maybe the sun and moon somehow together, but now I am leaning a little more towards a cresent moon with a witch sort of thing. I dont know, I will draw a few ideas and see what comes to me. I have time, until Chris gets back to work there wont be money for a tattoo. Maybe I should just get a good set of sharpie markers? lol I do know what ever it is I decide to get, needs to be Pagan. I need to represent that side of me a little more publicly. Not for attention or shock factor, or because I want to push my beliefs in other peoples faces. I wanted to show that I BELIEVE what I believe in, that I am proud of it and I dont want to hide it. I wear a pentagram necklace with a moonstone pendant, both a about the size of a quarter. At work I wear it inside my shirt because I do not want to cause my employer any issues. I work as an office manager in an orthodontic office, and I am concerned that parents of our patients would react poorly to seeing it. I really have a hard time with this. On one hand I dont want to cost my employers money or cause patients to leave the practice, but I also dont think I should have to be in that spot. If people would put half the effort into reading, asking questions, or even trying to understand as they do the hate, and negativity towards something different (especially a 'religion') things would be so much better off. As soon as I walk out the door at work, I pull my chain out of my shirt. If I am not at work, I dont care who sees it. Its very hard for me to understand such narrow mindedness, such black and white values. I try very hard to not judge, to respect others beliefs, I just wish we were offered the same courtesy. I really love the bumper sticker i saw that said, "Freedom of religion means ALL religions"

Happy Harvest

2009-08-01T16:26:00.001-07:00

Happy Lughnasadh!! I hope everyone is enjoying the harvesting! :) Our garden is slow due to the weather we have been having. It seems to be about 2 weeks behind. But we are still getting some so its all good. This time last year i had enough blackberries to bake a cobbler, this year we got our first handful today. But they were very big and delicious. I have also changed the decorations on my altar to wheat, sunflowers, little woven baskets and corn dollies. I am burning a beeswax candle along with a candle for the God and Goddess. Even the gargoyle that sits on the altar is sporting a large sunflower behind one ear. :)

I found a recipe to make "offering stones". These are biodegradeable, handmade little things you can make with your kids or in my case by yourself, and can empower them any way you want. You can add herbs, oils, or what have you. They dry extremely hard so you can keep them on an indoor altar as well, and they dont crumble. I am going to make some with some cornmeal in them to put out on my offering stone.

I have to tell you about last night!!!! It was amazing! I went to a bellydance recital put on by the studio I take classes at. It was a 2 hour show and was just breathtaking. I was totally unaware of others around me I was so into watching. The costumes were beautiful, the talent was unbelievable, and the music great. Authentic Egyptian cane dances, Sword dancing, all kinds of styles of dance. It makes me want to dance like that so badly, and I know it takes practice, practice, practice. (Although i dont see why after a month of once a week classes I am not a pro!!) hehehee. Honestly it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It was truly inspiring.

well it appears i have company so till later,
Blessings from Rune and I

dream dilemma

2009-07-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

I have been having some really off the wall dreams lately. Honestly most of my dreams are weird, but the past couple are really up there on the list. I have written them down in a dream journal I started keeping, to analyze and see if there is something i should be picking up on. There things in this dream that are very obvious. My kids are in the dream, but they are much younger, like 6 and 8 (they are 25 and 23) and I am hiding them from a creature that could hurt them. I give them a blanket and pillow to cover themselves with while hiding. Now this to me is pretty obvious. I am definately worried about kids, they are having financial trouble and with my husband being laid off I cant really help them. This just breaks my heart that I cant help my own kids, I know they are old enough to be responsible for their own actions. But they will always be my babies and I will always want to take care of them and keep them safe, like in the dream.

But there are other things in this dream that took some extra analysing. Heres the thing, these symbols and actions in the dream all point to me starting a new venture. Doing something that I have always wanted to, but am afraid to try, and that if I did it would be a success. Although it did point to the fact it would take hard work to get there. Here's the other thing, I read my cards the other night after the dream, and they told me the same thing. That it was something I have always wanted to do. Thats where it gets confusing, I am not sure what it is. I know I have always wanted to work for myself , my own business, but I have had many different ideas about my own business. So which one!!?? lol Everything is so blatant about starting this new venture, that I need to get out of my own way. I really wish the dream would have pointed out which way I should go. Its very frustrating to me.

Maybe I should meditate on it. Stop thinking it to death and let it just reveal itself. If I had any patience that is. lol I dont know, maybe the cards or another dream will help me see. I will keep you posted :) Maybe my pendulum will talk to me?? hmmmm I should probably try that... Has anyone else had this problem? You knew there was a direction you should take but dont know how or where? Any help with is will be greatly appreciated lol !!

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

My Altars (and a little blackmail)

2009-07-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

I thought i would post a picture or two of my altars. This one is my personal altar, its the one i usually do any magic or rituals at. The wand to the right my husband(Chris) made for me as a gift. It has stones, and symbols burned in to it, and is made of willow. The feathers are from a hawk. Chris' uncle found the feathers and gave them to me, since i love hawks i was very happy to get them. My son got me the altar cloth for christmas one year. Actually I think everything on that altar was gift from someone, which makes everything just a little more special. (disregard the cat litter bag on the right, :) no magic going on there)

The next picture is of the family altar. This one gets decorated for the seasons right now it is done for early summer because thats when the roses bloom around here (no the ones on the altar arent real roses ) I will be changing it soon for Lammas. Most of the things on this one were gifts as well, the egg in the bowl is the first egg we ever got from our chickens, I blew it out and kept it lol. The bowl is wooden and filled with stones, the bowl keeps the stones together and they dont all spill out and go everywhere. This (to me) symbolizes keeping my family together. I guess its like I am the bowl, and I hold all my family (and dogs! and Rune!) close to me. The feathers ,some of them again from a hawk, shows we may fly but we are still grounded. Chris found those deer antlers for me, I couldnt decide if i wanted him to slice them up to make runes out of or if i wanted them whole. So far they have stayed whole lol.

If you notice on the star candle holder, there is a blob of wax. I think it looks like a little woman standing there lol I leave her there to watch over the alter and us. :) Most people who come in my home know I am Pagan, if they dont they do when they leave! But so far I have been lucky and everyone has been very accepting of my beliefs. I dont push my beliefs, and they dont push theirs. (I dont get a toaster oven for converting so many people a month ) I love my altars and anytime i am feeling out of sorts or frazzled, I light my candles and take a deep breath. It helps me to ground and focus better. Whats funny is now if my husband finds a candle lit anywhere and we going to bed or what not, he will ask "Can this be put out or is it doing something?" LOL .

The last picture i want to put up is of Rune herself. She has grown from the picture in the header, but she still a little thing. She has a look like I am annoying her lol

My smallest dog Jack (about 20 pounds size wise) is her buddy. I guess. She constantly torments him, jumping on him, biting him, wanting to fight and play. Luckily Jack likes her and puts up with it. She torments the other dogs too, but Jack is closer to her size. She jumps on the Bassets like one of those creatures from alien and wraps herself around his face. He just shakes his head and flings her off and keeps walking lol. So he is no fun.The bloodhound is too tall and she cant jump on his face, and the border collie will pin her to the floor and she loses that fight so he is no fun either. The beagle just bares his teeth at her and she moves on. lol I have to say she has taken over here. Although if she bites me on the butt again she and I will have a chat about who out ranks who!!

Here they are together, pretending they dont like each other. Won't she be mad when she sees I have put this one up!! She does have her image to think of!

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

8 Thing Thursday

2009-07-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

I saw this on another blog, and thought it would be fun to add to mine. Since I am a chronic list maker (so is my daughter-so apparently its genetic lol) I figured I could do it no problem. Well there is a problem, its trying to decide on what 8 things I want to do first LOL!! So I guess I should start with the obvious,

8 Things I am Thankful for

1.That myself, husband and kids are healthy. Sure we all have our little "tweeks" and "ouchies" but none of us have anything serious or life threatening.

2.That I have a sense of humor. It has helped me through bad times, sad times,and awkward moments. The ability to laugh at myself or make others laugh is a gift.

3.That I have the ability and knowledge of how to take care of myself and be self sufficient. Be it financially, growing my food, sewing, cooking and baking, and medicinally. So far I have managed alot on quite a little.

4.That I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and kids.I am able to say what I think or feel to them without being belittled, or ignored. They are able to do the same with me. We listen to one another and respect each other. Sure we still have our disagreements but on the whole we are good.

5.That I have my boys. My dogs mean the world to me. I love their different personalities, their quirks, and the way they all pile on or around me when I sit down. They have always listened while I cried or complained to them, and they always offer up me giving them a tummy rub so I feel better lol. They make me laugh and have helped me with my empty nest syndrome.( I have to count my kitten Rune in on this too!She always makes me laugh and I love listening to her purr)

6.That I have found a spiritual path that brings me peace and makes me whole. It has given me the opportunity to learn new things, shown me I have talents or abilities that I wasnt aware of. I like knowing I am still in charge of my own life, but there is someone to help me if I need it.

7.That I have a job. I may not want to work outside the home, but I am thankful my job is secure and I am able to support us.

8.That I have the ability and the desire to keep learning,I dont think we should ever stop. So many things I still want to know, I am thankful that I dont just push this to the side for later in life.

So there you have it, my first 8 things thursday list. Those are a few of the things I am thankful for. I really dont want to wait till next thursday to make a new list, but hopefully this will help in my learning patience. HA!!

I am writing this from work, so Rune hasnt been able to add her two cents, but as always...

Blessings from Rune and I

my fairy name

2009-07-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

Your fairy is called Bramble Iceshimmer

She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.

She lives in leafy dells and bluebell glades.

She is only seen when the first flowers begin to blossom.

She wears bluebell-blue dresses. She has icy blue butterfly wings.

http://www.emmadavies.net/fairy/default.aspx">Get your free fairy name here!

i love the "bone chilling bringer of justice" just sounds cool doesnt it lol

just a quick note

2009-07-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy and safe Fourth of July!! Enjoy!!

also, there is another give a way at aneclecticpagan.wordpress.com she is giving some cute earrings away!! but the deadline is sunday at midnight!!

How i found my path

2009-07-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Mrs. B over at Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom posts what she calls pagan journal prompts. She asks what brought you to the pagan path? Do you feel you were always on it, even before you knew what it was?Were you raised pagan? Did you know any Pagans?What age did you finally consider yourself a Pagan? What religion were you raised?

I think i have always been Pagan in my heart. I just didnt know what it was or that it was "ok". I have always had a respect for the earth and her creatures, a fascination with the moon and sun, love the seasons changing and some how i knew there was more to it. I had no idea what Paganism was. My family was not religious by any means, although i was taught there was a God, and all the basic religious rules and regulations. I went to different churches on occasions with friends, baptist, catholic, etc..was even "saved" (because my friend was) but i never connected or understood any of them. Anytime i would question, even as a kid, i would hear"its Gods way" or "He works in mysterious ways". So all i knew is that was the way it was supposed to be and i was going to hell because i didnt get it.

I never attended church regularly, never had a "religion" in my life really. I would let my kids attend with their friends or neighbors if they chose to, and tried to answer their questions as best as i could. I found solace in my garden, and flowers and more natural things. Jump to many years later when i had a bout with depression. It was bad. I went into therapy and kept hearing how i needed a higher power to believe in. Something i could put blind faith into and hope it would help me I guess? I didnt get it, but it made me start questioning things again. So i searched, and I read a lot of religious material on the internet and anywhere else i could find it. Everything I read was coming up short, leaving me with just as many questions as before. I honestly dont know how i came across it, but I started reading about Paganism and Wicca, and things started making so much sense. Since i believe in both a God and Goddess, I am more Pagan than Wiccan (in my opinion), but Pagan is sort of an umbrella term I am told. Call it what you want, its me. So much of my life makes sense now, why i did the things that i did. Or how i reacted. This path i have found is such a comfort to me, I cant even explain. I understand it, any questions i have are answered. There is no judgement, no living up to unrealistic expectations, and it brings a peace to my life i never had before. I have been a Pagan for about 5 years now (give or take) . My only regret is that I didnt find this path earlier in my life, but now that i have I enjoy it so much. I never stop reading and learning, and searching, I want all I can get lol.

Blessings from Rune and I

This time a Hawk, not a strawberry

2009-07-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

First of all I have to sites to pass along. Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom has become one of my favorite places. She is a hoot to read and has quite a few "give a ways". I relate to her outlook on many things, she really is worth a read. The other i found actually on Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom, its called OperationBeautiful.com. Its premise is to help spread the word to women (and men) that they are ok just the way they are. In a society where you must look or act a certain way to be accepted, its nice to find this. Give it a peek, I am joining with them to help spread the word. Accepting yourself for who you are or being acceptable of your appearance is an area i think most need a help with. I know i do! Anyway two very nice sites, i hope you agree.

I have read a few articles on animal totems, or spirit animals. Some feel that these spirits are around you to help you learn what you need to. The article said to be aware of what animals have played a dominant part in your life, even fictional animals (unicorns, dragons, etc) can mean something. The animals may come and go, dolphins may not hold the level of importance they used to to you. Thats ok, it means you have learned what you needed to from them. There have been a few consistant animals in my life, cats, horses, dogs, dragons, and now hawks. I have become fascinated with hawks. I read that when you see the animal you should stop and think about whats going on in your life at that moment, and think about what that animal represents to you, or what it may be trying to show you. I have done this on occasion, and i have to admit, that usually i have no clue what its trying to show me. But one evening as i was coming home from the belly dancing class I am taking, (I have always thought belly dancing was beautiful, and have always been interested. I never had the guts to try, being as I am a big girl. But during a pagan festival i saw a group of dancers perform. They were mesmerizing to me. It was then i realized, most of these girls werent thin, perfect figured girls. To make things even more amazing to me, none of them seemed to care. They danced with confidence and grace and the crowd loved them. Not one time did i hear a discouraging comment about appearances from anyone. I was truly awe struck by this.) Anyway,I was feeling a bit discouraged. My own insecurities raising their heads. So I am driving home, and i see a hawk. I watch her glide and then went back to doubting myself. A second hawk came across the sky and circled awhile, again being too busy in my own head i didnt make a connection. That was when the next hawk appeared. This one was about 4 feet from my car, and had a "dinner" in its talons. It was then it hit me. (the realization-not the hawk) Hawks to me are strong birds, with keen eyes, and determination. So the message that went through my head, and it was actually like someone telling me, was to keep going. Keep my self focused and hold on to my dream, (like the dinner) I can do it. I know its not going to be something i learn and can be good at in a couple weeks,(i have taken 4 classes so far) but i did get a dvd and i practice every night for an hour. It has also encouraged me to try to eat better, and take care of me. I want to be able to dance and move with the grace i have come to admire, and have the endurance it calls for. I love these classes. I love the dvd and my dream is to one day dance in a performance like the one that inspired me. Hawks have patience enough to circle and wait, I need the patience enough to practice and wait. They keep their eye on what they want, i need to too. In the end they get what they want, and i know i can as well. It's amazing to me what you can come to understand if you take the time to notice and listen.

On the Rune front, little miss Rune is now 8 weeks old, still small but not lacking in attitude. I will try to get some new pictures up of her. If i can get her to sit still long enough. She has been way to busy bossing the dogs around, chasing spiders, and trying to catch the water drip as it heads down the bathtub drain. She has become an expert at the hide around the corner and jump out at you like a monster game. My shins have the scratches to prove it. She is still my beautiful girl no matter how much of a maniac she is. lol

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Lessons learned from the Strawberries

2009-06-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

No matter what path we follow I think we all want some sort of life changing moment. We want to have some voice speak clearly to us and explain what it is we need to learn at the moment. Well it usually doesnt happen that way. Generally its some small thing that all of a sudden clicks and sometimes makes you feel silly for not realizing it before. That was the moment I had yesterday picking strawberrys. Now it wasnt a "clouds parting and the angels singing" moment, but it did make me realize a thing or two.
I was out there on my knees reaching way over as far as I could get, trying to reach the ripe berries. I moved some leaves so as to put my hand down to brace myself so i could try to reach farther, and a large brown toad jumped from where i was about to put my hand. Now I am by no means afraid of toads, I quite like them actually, but he did surprise me and make me jump. I sat back on my knees and laughed at myself, and thats when i saw them. Big, red, ripe strawberries right in front of me. Several plants were hanging full of them, right there within easy reach if i would have only looked. Thats when my "lightbulb moment " hit me. I was so busy looking way out into the middle of the patch for berries i didnt see what was right here.
As in most of my life, I am so busy looking ahead or worrying about whats coming up, I dont see what i already have or enjoy it. Instead of fussing about the weeds around my offering stone and how i am going to keep them out, i should simply look up and enjoy the rose thats in full bloom right over it. Instead of enjoying my vacation as much as i could have, i kept counting down the days i had until i went back to work. I worry so much about how we are going to make it month to month i dont see the small joys in the day to day. Noticing these would probably make it easier to deal with the month to month.
The next lesson offered up to me was this. I saw a really nice big strawberry, all ripe and ready to be picked. I picked it and realized that something had already enjoyed the other half of it. Simple lesson right? Things are not always as they seem. Instead of seeing this as a nice berried ruined. I thought of it as "well i dont get to have this berry, but the chickens will so its still not all bad." Which again made that little wheel of thought turn another click. My husbands lay off is not a good thing. We are definately struggling, but it has caused us to work harder together, and communicate more. We dont want our relationship to deteriorate due to all the stress. So even though this is a really rough time, we are doing ok together. Final lesson of the strawberries, I had a handful of berries and i was reaching for another when i dropped a couple. I couldnt find them, so they are now somethings dinner, and gone. Click number 3. Yes it looks like a simple "be happy with what you have" sort of lesson, but for me it was more along the lines of dont over do. In another words, I am trying to do so many things at once, that some dont get done or only half done. That not only includes chores, tasks, plans, but also time i set aside for personal things. Time for my husband and I, or time i could be meditating and trying not to let the stress explode my head. lol I cant do everything, no matter how hard i try or how much i think i can. I have to ask for someone to hold the strawberries so i can continue. (so to speak)
I have to say i felt a little better about things after picking berries. Things seem to be a little more in perspective for me. (even without Runes claws) So when your wondering about what to do, and things are getting out of hand, or your just looking for a little reassurance you can find your answers in the most mundane of ways. Justs keep the ability to listen and see,, and your mind fills in the rest. Its that or find yourself a strawberry patch and a toad to talk to. :)

(a small note on Rune, she did catch her first bug today. She had her paws over it, but when she moved them it flew away. Maybe she needs to learn patience?? Could be, but i am not taking her out to see the toad.)

as always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Tarot readings and a new evil in the house

2009-06-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

Time has gotten away from me again. We have been busy the past couple weeks getting ready to go on a camping trip (i make the majority of the food.) We just got back and a friend is here from Oregon visiting. We are trying to catch up with some of the garden and get back into the routine of things.

I took my tarot cards with me camping. (Its a group of friends who all get together once a year and visit for a couple days.) I did readings for just about everyone. On a couple i did two! I felt pretty good about doing it, it felt like i knew what i was reading. According to most they seemed to know exactly what i was referring too. Only one reading was more negative than positive. This woman is really unhappy, although i didnt know that before i read for her. She was one of the first i did a reading on, and I was a little concerned maybe i was reading it incorrectly, but as I continued, she absolutely agreed with everything i told her. She has a lot to deal with, and unfortunately, is a very self centered person. So it will be hard for her, since she seems to think things should be done for her. I hope she realizes that you need to help yourself as well.

Everyone was very happy with their readings and a couple came back and had other questions for me. I really felt very good about all this. :) The only downside to this camping trip ,in fact, this woman and her husband. They got out of the car and i swear you could feel the negativity roll out with them. Honestly being around them seemed to drain your energy. I guess they were what is referred to as "psychic vampires". Everyone was feeling it, not just me. Her husbands reading was one of the last ones i did, and the two of them were sitting there with me for awhile. I started to get such a headache, that once i read his i needed a break. Especially from them. Surprisingly once i was away from them for awhile the headache subsided.

All in all I got a lot of practice with my cards this weekend, and it seemed like i did well with them. When we got back i put my cards and stones out in the full moon over night to cleanse them of any negativity they may have held on to as well.

I also took my first bellydancing class!! Oh my god is it a work out! I was dying! lol My daughter, two friends from work, and my friend from Oregon went. It was fun, but much harder than you would expect. It was showing the basic moves, which turns into one hell of a cardio work out. I cant wait to do it again. I think once i take this one for a month or two, i may try the intermediate dancing, which is more routines and not just the basic steps. But i want to take my time and get all i can before i move on. My ultimate goal is to be able to join a group and do bellydancing demos at festivals and what not. Kind of funny for an overweight 44 year old to want to do, but I do! lol

Let me update you on Rune as well. There is a new danger in the house.....her. She has become trouble looking for a place to happen. Rune lives here with my 5 dogs, all who are much much bigger than her. She could pretty much sleep in their mouths with room to spare. She weighs just about one pound now and has no fear of them or anything else. The dogs wouldnt hurt her, but she has become the little fur ball with claws. She lies in wait for one of the unsuspecting dogs to walk by, and she springs out and wraps herself around their face! Or another favorite of hers, is to wait until one of them tries to get a drink and she jumps on their heads. Apparently another very fun game is to climb up the leg of my husbands jeans while he is standing in the kitchen. Maybe she thinks he is one of those cat climbing toys??Now dont get me wrong, she still keeps us safe from shoe laces, flies, and random bits of paper. Why just the other morning she saved me from a vicious attack from one of the rug tassles, but once her patrol is done, everyone is fair game. She doesnt sit in my arms any more and supervise, but she does jump, out of no where, in to my lap while i am typing. I suppose she thinks i am just rambling on. When those tiny little sharp claws connect with your leg, believe me it can change your perspective on things!!

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

a dream puzzle

2009-05-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

The other night i did a tarot reading for a friend, and surprisingly i was dead on. I told her about her boyfriend, the issues they were having, what each ones worries were. I surprised myself, i gotta tell ya. There was only one card that i had trouble deciphering, it was the queen of cups. I have a little difficulty reading the "people" cards at times. But all in all i think I did pretty good. I feel better about taking my cards with me camping, since some may want a reading.
I had the weirdest dream the other night, i wish i could remember it all. (I now have a dream book by the bed to write in) I just remember i was in a meeting hall or room, with other pagans and it looked like it was being set up for something. One of the women working there nudged me and pointed to a woman who had just walked in. She asked me, "do you know who that is?" and i didnt, she told me her name but i dont remember it. The woman was probably about 5'7'' medium build, and dark hair cut very short. There was another gentleman there who was evidentally one of or "the" speaker for this meeting, he was walking around telling each person something. I think it was something about themselves, or what they could do. He came to me and i asked "what about me?" He put his arm around my shoulders and said "oh no, we are going to yours together." and he walked me to the front of the table. He was sitting at the head of the table i was to his right. There were people sitting all around the table writing something. I asked"can you tell me again what you want me to do? I dont quite understand." A man from across the table said "yes you do, you did this last year." "I did?" and he said yes. He kept saying I need a list of ten... but ten what?? i dont remember hearing what it was a list of. Its driving me nuts!!! lol I dont remember dreaming anything last night. So I am still clueless.
I still havent taken the time to meditate, I know, I know i said i was going to and havent. I have been working on the pendulum cloth and trying to find an inexpensive candle mold and charms. But who am i kidding, I know i could make time. I have been trying to light my family alter candles and say a blessing in the evenings. I have also cleaned up my offering stone outside. The mud room was cleaned and i thought about moving my personal alter down there, but with dogs laying all over the floor in there, there isnt any room lol. But i will "pagan-ize" it up some. hee hee.
I am trying to settle down, to concentrate on the tarot, and work with them. I am going to find a couple of my stones that help in divination. Speaking of that, we did attend the psychic fair. It was in one of the shops and they had 4 tarot readers that were doing readings for money that all went to the Mabon Festival. I didnt have any money at the time, but i am thinking of donating a little. With my husband still layed off its tough.
As I am writing this Rune is asleep, she turns one ear towards me everyonce in awhile, to see where I am. We have been letting her out of her cage 2 or 3 times a day now. She has no fear of the dogs at all. Matter of fact she has no fear of most anything. My husband refers to her as "Danger Kitty" because she is running all over putting her life in danger by attacking the evil things that lurk in my house. Such as socks, shoe laces, hair ties, and cords (they must look like those anacondas she spots out the window in the back yard) We do intervene on the whole cord thing, but knowing she is saving us from evil sock attacks makes us sleep better at night. Rune weighs a whole 15oz. now. She still tries to be helpful with reading the tarot, but i am not buying the whole "you'll see it clearer if a chew the corners of the cards" bit.

Blessings from Rune and I

The Tarot, and the protection of Rune

2009-05-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of a 3 day weekend. I love it.

Last night i got my tarot cards out, and was studying them. My Husband keeps telling me i need to stay with one thing until i am comfortable with my knowledge in it and then learn something else. My anwer to that was, when your in school they want you to learn several things at once, so why cant I now???? He may be right. I should probably focus on one thing at a time, to give it my full attention and learn all i can from it. (but I am still not going to stop collecting stones!) hee hee. So since i have held an affection for the tarot cards and finally got my own set, (the first set was a hand me down.) A lot of people have been asking for a reading, and while it would be nice to think i could make money at it. I really just want to do it to help others. If I can help others to find some peace or direction, or healing then I have done what i set out to do. I dont believe you should charge for a gift (like the ability to read cards) but I suppose i would take a donation lol. I have bills to pay and dogs to feed!!! ha ha So anyway, I took them out and started working with them. I did a lay out for myself. I didnt ask a specific question, i just started laying them out. Rune of course, was ever so helpful by rearranging them the way she thought they should be. Apparently the corners of tarot cards are delicious, i think they may taste of mouse. Anyway, I try reading them myself, then check with the book to see if they match. I know i cant take the book word for word, its all in how i interpret them. Basically what i read and what i saw myself were very close. I always have this business deal in the back of my head. I want to work for myself, from home, and with something I enjoy and is close to my heart. So the cards told me (yet again) I am in my own way. Stop thinking things to death and try. I have to decide apparently whats important to me. A steady paycheck, but at a mundane job i really dont like or feel like I am accomplishing anything at, and fulfilling it isnt. Or maybe a little more uncertain cash flow, but i would feel more content, and feel like i am actually accomplishing something by helping those looking for answers, or direction. I certainly would feel more fulfilled. I am not a materialistic person, but i am always concerned with money, and i truly hate the almighty dollar. So while i would love to just turn in my two weeks notice, I also dont want to lose my house. So I am just going to keep working at making my things for the Occult shop to look at and maybe at the farmers market i am joining, I can sell a few things. Now,Back to the reading, it basically told me the same thing every reading i do tells me. Let my spiritual path guide me. Things will fall into place and will be more at peace and happy, and i will be able to achieve what i set out to do. As long as i dont get in my own way. lol ok!ok! i got it!! lol
As I write this, Rune is very busy protecting me from an evil envelope that must have had intentions of doing me great harm. Lucky for me she is ever on duty. She sits in my kitchen window, the only window she can reach because the table she is on sits level with the ledge, and watchs out over the wilds of my back yard. Keeping watch for evil dangerous creatures like Bears, alligators, and huge anacondas. None of which are local animals or would ever be in my back yard, but i dont tell her that. Of course she must protect me from other evils as well, envelopes, ribbons, embroidery floss, and hair ties. I never realized what a dangerous life i led.

Today I am off to a psychic fair, I have never been to one. A friend from work is joining me and hopefully my daughter. I feel like I hardly ever get to see her, let alone spend time with her. After the fair the friend and i are going to make soap. I also want to use my daughter as a guinea pig to do a reading for lol. I will keep you posted on how the fair goes. I need to go now, Rune seems to think she has spotted an anaconda, I am going to have to tell her its just the garden hose.....

As always,

Blessings from Rune and I

Just a little knowledge...

2009-05-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

I saw something yesterday that really riled me up, so i waited until today to write about it. That way it wouldnt be just random bitching. On the news was a story about how a church was going to plant a garden to help with the monthly food baskets they give out. I thought this was a great idea, good for them!! Then it went on to say their garden spot was desecrated by a demonic symbol. Someone had mowed a pentagram into the lawn. Demonic symbol you say?? ummm no.
I realize most people only recognize the pentagram from hollywood horror movies, or from the cover of rock cds. But this was the pastor of the church who said it was a demonic evil symbol. In my opinion, he should be familiar or at least semi knowledgeable on different religions. He also told the reporter that he felt this was more than just a prank, that they had put thought into it but he wasnt worried because good will always triumph over evil. He's probably right, Satan himself probably jumped up and mowed it, or could he just pull it down from underneath? I honestly think it was just some teenage kids pulling a prank. I SERIOUSLY doubt it was done by pagans. First of all, why? Why would a pagan do that? They wouldnt. Planting a garden and feeding your fellow man is not against any pagan belief. In fact i know pagans that are doing just this themselves! If the pastor was just a tiny bit knowledgeable about paganism he would know that, and wouldnt have to make it sound so cryptic, with some appocoliptic fight between good and evil. This is part of the reason people are so resistant or just unable to understand paganism. Some one who they feel is knowledgable runs off this line of uneducated babble, and they take it for the truth. Would this have made the news if it was a star of david? Or some other religious symbol? Why must people be so intolerable? Why cant you simply say, "believe in what makes you happy, and brings you peace." As long as your hurting no one (including yourself) i dont care if you worship shower curtain rings. If it makes you a happier person do it. I have a member of my own family who tells me all this pagan nonsense is stupid and i do it for attention. Do what?? I perform my rituals in my home in my own designated area. i dont walk around try to convert people, or spew off facts or folklore. But thanks for being supportive! She makes my head hurt.
It makes my heart sad that there isnt a pagan book to be found in any librarys i have been to. The bible is there, jewish material, hindu, budism, but not one pagan. Why? well I am guessing because narrow minded people would assume there kid was worshipping satan if they had that book. It really bothers me that i dont feel like i should wear my pentagram out from under my shirt at work. My employers wouldnt care, and most everyone i work with knows, its the patients parents. (i work at an orthodontic office) I dont want my employers to lose money by people pulling their kids out. The kids should get the best care they can, and that would be by staying here for their entire treatment. It makes me frustrated though.
I am writing this from work today because it was on my mind and i had to get it out there. So Rune is not with me to help. But I am sure her answer would be to turn on that cat like attitude. You know, act like your not listening when being talked to, act like you could care less about anything, and know in your own heart, that you are wonderful, the typical cat attitude. When all else fails, walk away and take a nap. She is awfully wise for such a small kitten. But keep that between us, she already thinks she's the best thing since pockets in pants :)

An opportunity to take the leap

2009-05-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me, my husband, and a friend went to two occult shops. One is called The book of Shadows and one is Peace, Love, and Light. Both very nice shops, we usually go to Any Witch Way too, but she was closed for a Pagan meet and greet, that I totally forgot about. But anyway, we had a good time, both shops have wonderful people working there. (one was actually the owner) I got two stones and two books, and a crystal geode from the Book of Shadows. The stones were Jet and Amber. The books were Healing with Gem Stones, and Green Witch craft. Oh! and a starting of Mugwort too. The clerk there is named Toni, she is always so helpful. She answers questions so thoughtfully, not just trying to get you to buy. She helped me pick out my own Tarot deck last time there, (Robin Wood Tarot)she went over the pros and cons of several decks with me, even let me take a look at hers. I really like the deck and am working with it as often as possible.
At Peace, Love and Light I purchased several stones, some petrified wood, golden tiger eye, green adventurine, black moonstone, sodalite, and andalusite. Also bought some incense that are wonderful called spiritual path, that i will use when i meditate. (yes i am going to start making more of an effort to do this!!) While checking out my friend showed me a button that said "I like reading books, but i love reading tarot cards." i thought it was cute and I got one. Before leaving my friend mentioned something about me having my business or selling things, and the Owner of the shop asked about what i had. I explained to her about the portable pendulum clothes I am making, and she was quite interested in seeing one. She said she may sell them for me! How way cool is that. There are several other things we have seen that my husband and I know we could make, and make better, so I am going to try to get a few things together to show her. I have been embroidering on the cloth so i can at least haved one finished one to show. She was concerned with it being hand done, that it would take longer to produce, but i agree with my husband its what makes it unique. Oh if this takes off for me and i can stay home again, how wonderful that would be. Like a dream come true. Of course it would have to wait until husband goes back to work, he has been layed off for almost 4 months now. Since I carry the insurance, i would want to wait on that.
There are so many exciting starts opening up for me. I am jumping on these and giving it one hell of a try. Grandaddy used to say "You never know until you try." Since i dont want to look back on my life and wonder what if, or i should have, I am going to do it.
We are also looking into joining a farmers market, I can make goodies to sell along with my veggies. I have found alot of people at or going to farmers markets are pagan. So that is always nice to meet people that have the same interests as you.
So while Rune is sleeping in the patch of sunlight she found,( while keeping one eye half open on me.) In case, I suppose, I go on that rogue typing rampage she can come over and lay on the keyboard thus bringing me back to my senses. She is very helpful that way. At least i assume its being helpful and not just an ornery kitten, who feels i should hold her every 10 minutes. I am going to clean up my kitchen, put my kitchen witch up to witchy up things with good energy and begin my new challenge. Maybe i will rub Runes belly for good vibes too. lol

Wish me luck and feel free to send good thoughts my way!!

Blessings from Rune and I

Me and Rune

2009-05-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

This blog is about me. About my following a Pagan path, my inner self, and all the questions that go along with that. Writing with me will be my tiny kitten Rune. She likes me to hold her while I type so she can critique it, or catch a nap which is what usually happens. She is still very young and tiny so she wants to be with you constantly and be able to touch you.

I am searching within myself to find which way i need to go. I already know I am a pagan witch, but some how i lack direction. Just because i "say" I am pagan doesnt make it so. I am a practicing Pagan, but not as much as i would like. I let the world get in the way. I feel guilty or like I am being a slack-ass if i take the time out to meditate, or study. Like i should be doing something important, not letting myself realize that this is very important.

I am a 44 year old married mother of two grown kids. My husband and I homestead and are trying to get off grid and become more self sufficient. So here I am, my kids have their own place, its just my husband and I and I cant seem to find time for myself. I do work a full time job, but when i get home and on weekends my husband is always telling me to take some time for myself. What am i afraid of? Why am I stalling? I dont know...I know where i want to be, but maybe i am afraid of all the changes i will go through to get there?? So this blog will help me wade through these thoughts, emotions, and questions. I am told all the time, to stop trying so hard and stop searching. Things will come to me in their own good time. Maybe all this so far is to try and teach me patience. Since i have none. lol

Well i just wanted to write a little to get started, the first post is always the hardest in my book. So from here i can start letting things out and move along. With Rune supervising of course.

My (and Runes)blessings to you all and thank you for joining me.